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Quaker, French-speaker, educator, anti-racist; Southern-born & raised, and talking enthusaist.


Ex gay?


One of the worst things gays and those who support our rights can do is bash or dismiss bisexuality. One, it flies in the face of both anecdotal and scientific evidence that it is real and even possibly the dominant sexual orientation (to varying degrees) even if one's gender preference is same or opposite gender. Even if that's not true, those who are "Ex-gay" are either 1) heterosexual to begin with and had identity issues, (I knew a guy like that at Guilford) 2) gay and running from one or more sub-cultures that exist in the GLBT community, having identified said cultures as "gay lifestyle" or 3) they are bisexual and they are able to satisfy themselves with persons of the opposite gender. Time to wake up and call these people out. Cured of being gay? Perhaps not gay to begin with!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Kevin, from having known well over 1200 people who have been in the ex-gay thing, the vast majority are not bisexual. Perhaps the "successful" ones are, but they never needed a program to express their sexuality. Most of the ex-gays I have met have been white protestant males who desparately believed they would be much more valuable if they were straight or at least "straight-acting."

    There are MANY reasons why one may choose to go ex-gay, often reasons that influence each other. I write about some of them here: http://www.beyondexgay.com/article/whyexgay These include fear of AIDS, fear of hell, fear of rejection from family/friends/employers (lots of fear!) Added to that there is shame and perhaps reaction to childhood sexual abuse which did not make the person gay but complicated their sexuality.

    The reality is that if someone is truly gay, they cannot be made straight, but they can be seriously harmed while trying as they harm others in their lives around them.

    It's a tragic, dangerous, futile affair. ON the other hand when I meet someone who went through this mess and finally came to their senses and learned to understand their sexuality and detox from the oppression they marinated in for so long, they often experience new life--clarity, joy, direction, hope.