Good Friday - Are we Empire?

 Whether we are Christian or not,  this story shaped Eastern, Western Southern civilizations.   We don’t have to believe the story is literally true to understand that Empire kills.  Empire erases.  Empire also took this story and used it to control.   I love Jesus the myth (story), Jesus the archetype, Jesus the symbol, Jesus my spiritual ancestor.  My ancestors teach me, and Jesus, the god of my more recent ancestors, is important to my spirituality.  Today, according to the traditions about him, principalities and powers crucified a man who ate with sinners, found virtue among despised ethnicities, healed the sick, lifted up women, and preached love, hope and healing.  As I reflect on this moment in the story, with all the power and privilege I have,  with all the parts of me loathed by others in my own culture, with all my imperfections and character defects, I consider how my possessions, actions and words reflect growing up in Empire. Jesus would not want me to feel guilty, he calls me to be his friend, to do as he asks me to do.  One day at a time, one step at a time. Do I live a life like those who crucified him?  Do I crucify my own  hate, judgment, intolerance, fear, bigotry, resentments, self-seeking, selfishness?  Do I die on my own cross daily?   To some this may seem dark.  It should.  That’s the point.  This is the part of the story where I am invited to see myself in those who felt threatened by his message; whose privilege and adherence to their (my) own cultural norms are challengeded by his teachings.  I can also see myself in Empire, in Pontius Pilate, who could’ve stood up for what was right, for justice, but instead decided to wash his hands of even having to think about any of this, who could have stood up for justice, but instead went back to life as usual. This man crucified was of another race, another culture, another religion.  Instead the governor chose to free a thief.  I can also grieve the loss, as did Jesus’ family, friends, and followers; not just the loss of Jesus’ life, but all those killed in the name of Empire today, of all that divides us today and feeds hate over mercy and leads to death of my fellows. 

The joy, power, and freedom from this bondage we will celebrate.  But today, isn’t that day.

An answer to longing, yearning and wanting more

 “MAGAis a cult!”   Maybe.  “Religion is declining!”  Anyone see the parallel?   “There is so much hate and fear!” We are so divided!”   

Yes.  People have lost a sense of purpose.  They have lost meaning.  Our society places self-worth based on what we have.   We consume food, substances, information, resources at ever increasing rates and amounts.

We are trying to fill a god-sized hole in our hearts.   All people have an inward longing, an inward yearning for something greater than ourselves.  We seek it in powers and principalities.  

But there is One who can speak to our condition.  There is a Power we can all access.  There is an Inward Teacher who can teach us the truth of things .  There is an inward Guide who can show us a way.  There is an Inward Light, a terrible thing sent by God that will beam like a search light showing us all the dark parts of our attitudes, biases, and beliefs.  It will expose our addictions and our attachments.  The experience can be so overwhelming we may quake and tremble.  This is why we “fear” God.  Not because God is mean, but because we feat truth and God is Truth.  

But then the Light does something different.  It becomes our deliverer, it shows us a way out of bondage.  Some would say it delivers us from sin, others will say it delivers us from our selfishness, our self-seeking, our addictions, and our attachments (hurts, habits and hangups).  That which was once terrible becomes a balm, it shows us peace.   We experience this light in measure.  As we live up to it more is given.  We are never given more than we can bear.  

I know this experimentally.  In my own life I’ve often had a still, small voice telling me what to do, where to go, that feels deeper than intuition.  And I most often ignored it, only later to wish I had listened to that voice to begin with. So I know that that voice within tells me the truth.

Trump won’t save us.  No person will.  Liberalism won’t save us.  No philosophy will.  Capitalism or Marxism won’t save us.  No economic system will.  In every person, philosophy or system we put our faith, we will find disappointment and disillusionment.   

But through it all, there is One who can speak to our conditions.  For many that is Christ, but in my experience that Power can be found within regardless of our religion or belief system.  And that One, that Reality, that Power, that Light, will arise out of any darkness and lead us.

All we have to do is be still, and we will know. We will rise up strong, and soar like eagles.

And when we stumble, and fall, and we will, the Light will be there with us.  And should we choose communities that support us in our journeys,  we will be lifted up by our fellows.

This  is Good News; that we are never alone, and we don’t have to be stuck, that we can find peace and love even in darkness, that we can learn to see the truth of things and not be deceived.   It is a pearl that we can share, a light that we should not hide but share.  

This is what brings True Happiness.  Not rules and policies.  Not philosophies and theologies. But a solid faith based on experience. 

I choose the Quaker way, but it is not the only way.  But it is thru Friends that I learned this.  It’s taken me 40 years to finally start yielding to this Power.  And without Friends I think I would have fallen into disillusionment and despair.  I need a community to remind me of this Way.  Not everyone does.  I do.  In this world,  that is so afraid and lost that it seeks to divide and control and conquer, to have us put our faith in people, practices and products, I lean into love, and pray that it drives my faith and practice. 

And this, my friends, is the only message I can share with certainty.  Not that Democrats are an answer to Republicans or liberalism is better than conservatism (I could go on).  I honestly don’t know what’s best for our country.  But to all my friends and family, you have seen the ups and downs in my life.  You have seen my philosophies and theologies change over the decades.  You have seen the darkness that was my life for so long.  Whether you love or hate Trump, if you too have a longing, a yearning for connection, for meaning, for purpose, if you too feel there is more to life than you’re experiencing, if you too feel Iike there is something more you should be doing or experiencing,  that longing, that yearning, in my experience, is that of God within you wanting to connect with The Great Mystery,  the pattern of the universe, the Comforter, that which is known by many names and no name.  It is within you.  It is within all of us.  And there lies a path to fulfillment and freedom.  #faith #freedom #thatofgod #happiness #fulfillment #silence #innerlight

Ok, Friends, Trump won. It's ok. For now.

 I spent the past few weeks sick of watching MSNBC and CNN, sick of listening to NPR and various podcasts.  The very name of Trump or of MAGA made me anxious.  I just knew in my heart of hearts that Kamala was not going to win.  It doesn't matter why I thought it, just suffice it to say that when I woke up at 6am and drove to work (listening to NPR) I was not surprised at the outcome; surprised at the sweep Trump and Republicans made, but not surprised Trump won.

I'm not a fan of  Trump.  He supposedly said back when he was still a Democrat that if he ran for office it would be as a Republican. It's a falsehood that he called Republican voters dumb.  Still, he left the DNC for the GOP and cleaned house.  I hoped during the first term that he would pivot center or even back to his old self -- pro choice, not anti-gay, you know, not hateful.   I wish he would pivot center this time.  But I think he is surrounded by those who would not let him if he wanted to.

If you're a woman, a member of the LGBT populations, a person of color, you may be offended and feel threatened by the vitriol that has not only come from Trump, but his supporters and sycophants in the GOP.   It's only logical to be afraid.  There are some pretty radical hate groups who support Trump and he refuses to distance himself from them.  He courts strongmen like Putin and Ping.  Then there was January 6.

But instead of crying about it, I don't feel much of anything.  I voted Democrat. No junta showed up at my door yanking me out of my home for voting that way. That doesn't mean the potential for such a thing isn't there, but we aren't there yet.

Look, our country is a pretty centrist country.  People live in progressive bubbles and are annoyingly surprised at how most of this country is NOT like them.   Racism is part of our core.   The Patriarchy rules.   We can try and fight it all we want to but this crap is old, and we are naïve to think that decades of activism is going to undo centuries' of xenophobia, racism, and millennia  of patriarchal structures.  Power has been consolidated to a select few.  The tax burden is on the workers of this country.   The rich manipulate the rest of us to fight over resources when they gobble said resources up themselves.  This isn't new.  The Puritans persecuted the Quakers. The Irish hated the Italians.  Everyone treated blacks and indigenous people poorly (even many Quakers).  Each group that "makes it" in American society seems to adopt this xenophobic strain that runs deep.  

That also doesn't mean we have to accept it, but I sometimes think that there is this unrealistic expectation that we are going to socially progress rapidly, when rapid progression usually results in backlash.  That, too, doesn't mean we should not fight the fight, but I guess in my mind this is another setback in a struggle that has a long time ahead of us.

So, I sat in a meeting for worship last night where some Friends were in tears, some Friends were angry, lashing out at all of the racists who voted for Trump.  Yes, overtly racist people voted for Trump.  The DNC is full of liberal racists too.  Quakerism is full of racists too.  Wagging tongues and pointing fingers is not a good look, and while I understand the anger and frustration, people are complicated and vote the way they do for more than one reason. And let's not forget the media that many of the MAGA supporters watch. They often don't see the same side of Trump that the media we watch shows us.   

I could guess and surmise why people voted the way they did but it comes down to many of those same people who voted for Biden either didn't vote or didn't vote for Harris.  Basta!  It's the economy and immigration, guys. 

Our coalition of ethnic, gender and sexual groups is a fragile one. Brown skinned immigrants, many of whom are Muslim, threaten the white patriarchy that is North America and Europe. So there will be people opposing immigration for racial reasons only.  One might argue that because many parts of our coaltion are religiously conservative, this also threatens liberalism (look at what happened in Hamtramck, MI when liberals helped a Muslim majority get elected then the council turned around and banned gay pride flags on city property).  Liberals have been used to a coalition that supports each other because each member group is picked on by white conservatives.  That's not to say that there aren't liberal immigrants, but I'd be curious what the stats really are.

 LGBT, racial groups, religious minorities, we all have banded together because we have a common opponent.  Only, now, this coalition is fracturing and shifting.  The same people who support gay marriage can be opposed to certain aspects of trans rights.  Many ethnic minorities are socially conservative.  They hold their noses when working along side LGBT people.  They may not agree on abortion rights. When it comes down to it, the very racism that has been rampant among white liberals is now coming home to roost.   Liberal policy was made by and for white people with perhaps some input from black and brown Americans.  Over time, however, we have seen how white supremacy has hurt the progressive cause.  Conservatives see it.  They've called us out on it.

So we have this loose, fracturing coalition that did not hold together enough to beat Trump.  Fear of immigrants, of crime, and economic insecurity drove Trump into the White House, while we got side tracked on social issues.  Identity politics isn't playing in our favor anymore.  People see rising debt, increasing prices, emptier bank accounts and are afraid. Trump played to those fears.  Democrats didn't answer with much that was convincing.

So what do we do, those of us who didn't vote for Trump?  First, we take care of our own.  We need to be there for our LGBT friends and family who got raked over the coals this election cycle. We need to support our immigrant neighbors and let them know we are there for them, whatever that looks like.  We can continue to advocate for policies that expand freedoms and build wealth and opportunity.  But we also need to listen. There is a huge portion of this country who are fed propaganda that drives their actions as well.  Relationships are the key.  Ghettoizing ourselves and withdrawing from challenges and people who are unlike us only exacerbates the problem.

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone is called to be a prophet and those who are are often despised in hometown family.  Not everyone is called to be a pioneer in communities that otherwise would not welcome them.  I spent my entire adult life among Quakers who didn't like Christians (and yet I was one) and Quakers who didn't approve of my sexuality (but approved of my theology).  I've been among social conservatives and liberals.  I hear them talk about each other usually ignorantly.  But I felt called to be where I was, a sometimes faithful servant of Christ who happens to be gay. Or a gay Quaker who happens to be a follower of Jesus.  

So, I've been on the receiving end of judgment and discrimination in the Religious Society of Friends. So it's really rich when I hear Quakers calling out people who didn't vote like them.  Righteous indignation isn't a good look on anyone.  Doesn't mean they're wrong in their assessments, but it also means it's time to look within.

And that's where i am now.  It's time to regroup.  What actions am I taking that contribute to everyone being able to pursue life, liberty and happiness? What actions am I taking or have I taken that prohibit said pursuit?  How am I contributing to the great divide?  How does my community do the same?   I think it's time to look at our own house before casting stones at others'.   

Yes, lots of racists voted for Trump.  Yes, they're threatening the social safety nets that are in place.  Yes, many are aggressively anti-choice and anti-trans/gay.  But the lesson I've taken in life is first to make sure I'm not a hypocrite in my judgments. If I am, to fix that.  And then to form relationships with people who are open.  Eventually people accepted me because I'm gay, though not all. Eventually people accepted my Christianity (though not all).  It's time for me to go within, to listen to the Voice, and see what it would have me do. It's not time to call names and judge.

So I won't tell my friends to get over it.  That would be callous. But I feel like saying it. Instead, it's time to take stock, to get my house in order, and be ready for what God would have me do.

Trump one.  It's ok, Friends. For now.

A Quaker Serenity Prayer?

 Did you know there's more than one? 

Here's the one I'm most familiar with 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference. 

but wait, that's not it, the best part is:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next.
Amen

Reinhold Niebuhr (1926)

But then there's the Pagan Serenity Prayer

God & Goddess grant me:
The power of water, to accept with ease & grace what I cannot change
The power of fire, for the energy & courage to change the things I can.
The power of Air, for the ability to know the difference.
And the power of Earth, for the strength to continue my path.

So mote it be.

And then my own.  A Quaker Serenity Prayer

Light:

Guide me to accept what I cannot change

Teach me ways to change the things I can.

Water the seed of wisdom which shows the way forward

and Lead me into the Life and Power that takes away the occasion for harm.

Peace.

Words worth Hearing

I’m at a Quaker spiritual formation retreat in Western Maryland. For our first day, we began with a few readings. One was a midrash on Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”  Another was a poem by John O’Donoghue. I did not know who John O’Donoghue was until today. I read his poem “For a new beginning” And was asked to reflect on it individually before joining my spiritual partner. This is my reflection on that poem. Please forgive any odd or incomplete thoughts. I am dictating this on my iPhone of all places.

The Beginning (the Source) has been in the Out of the Way  parts of my heart. It has been forming all along waiting until I was ready. 

God watched my desire. God felt the emptiness growing inside me. My own will couldn’t let go of what I had outgrown.

God watched when I tried to take a road without challenge, when I chose an easier route with its gray promises.

God heard the turmoil and wondered if I would always live like this.

God delighted when I would gather courage to try a new path.  I am staring, not at a path of loss, but of plentitude; though I cannot see way forward. Not yet.

So I am encouraged to throw myself into this new beginning. Is the new beginning of my job? Choosing to serve the Religious Society of Friends? Choosing to wrestle with my tradition (Quaker teachings, Scripture, Jesus)?  What is my life’s desire? Peace and faithfulness to God was my desire until it wasn’t. Now it feels like that call to faithfulness, to service, to following my Guide and Inward Teacher Has more room than it has had for at least a decade and a half if not more, if not, since I was a child and felt God calling me to ministry, to serving him, to serving religious society.

I have been so angry and so hurt my entire life. Angry at myself, angry at liberal Quakers, who saw no room for a Christ-centered Friend. Angry so-called Christian Quakers, who had no room for a queer Friend. Angry at God for making me gay and not changing me so that I could have an easier path. Angry at myself for turning my back on what I knew I was called to be, turning to gay pop culture, and maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with the self-hate that had been compounded over the years.  When the Tempter tempted me with an easier, softer way, I yielded . No one really knew what to do with the queer kid for Christ. So, I said, "forget it, I'll just dive deep into the club scene and activism."  

And then, overtime, I lost faith.

My soul does sense a world that awaits me. Perhaps a world completely different than the one I know.

*******

“ Art thou and the darkness?

Mind it not,

For if thou dost It will feed thee more.

But stand still, and act not,

And wait in patience,

'Til light arises out of darkness

And leads thee.”  James Naylor 1659

From this quote, I take what is key darkness is a part of life. Light arises from it and leads. I remember the quote from a friend Kathleen Mavournin at West Knoxville Friends who wrote a message on my going away poster when I was heading from Knoxville to Guilford College.

“ May you always walk in the light, except when you need to sit in the dark a little.”  she wrote.  I thought she had lost her mind when I read that and now I see.

So let it be. Amen.

Identity Politics - Living in Community

 I'm in my thinking/feeling space on this and am open to thoughts:

It hasn't risen to the level of ministry, that is to say, while this is stirring in me, I haven't been given the words to share this in meeting, but I'm particularly concerned about how we identify. #IdentityPolitics is a Thing. Both the left and the right use it. Since I'm not a on the Right, I don't know the prescription for how they use identity to divide. I'm more concerned with my own camp. First, let me say that I believe I wouldn't have put so much emphasis on being gay if the straight world hadn't singled me out and those like me. It's because I was told explicitly and implicitly growing up in East Tennessee that I was an outsider, that people preferred to see me outcast, that I was degenerate, deviant, evil, unacceptable in the eyes of the Lord (and so on) that I was forced to focus so much on an aspect of my life that should be as inconsequential to me as being straight is to a heterosexual. My hyperfocus on my sexuality was due in large part to everyone else's attention to that aspect of me. I also had to defend my identity as male. When I grew up "no real man" was gay. #toxicmasculinity and internalized #homophobia shaped how I saw myself a man. I fought hard to convince myself and others that I was "just as man an he is."

However, as a white guy, I was part of a shrinking racial majority, but a majority nonetheless. Growing up, my sensibilities and cultural perspectives were the dominant expression on TV and in mainstream print media. There were Blacks and Asians at my school, but not many. Whiteness was the norm. White supremacy (both in the systemic but also the KKK way) was dominant in my culture, though my parents tried to shield us from the harsher aspects of white racism and didn't put up with it in our home.

So I get why white, straight Christian people are resistant to hearing about the plight of marginalized groups. If one has no experience being marginalized, and one hasn't looked to see how one has participated in or benefitted from that marginalization, one may be blind to the dynamics I explained above. Also, no one wants to look at how they participate in oppressive structures. That feeling of realization isn't pleasant. Not everyone wants to share. Many have religious views that support their prejudice.

I think it's unavoidable in today's rapidly changing demographic to not focus on what it means to be white, gay, neurodivergent, politically and socially left/libertarian. There are so many people out there who experience the world differently from me, unless I operate in a bubble, I'm invited to see how people live, think and believe differently from me. That doesn't threaten me. When I have felt resistance, I often later realize that some part of my privilege or sense of right order was challenged. Usually, upon examination, my sense of entitlement is what's really bothered. Sometimes my sense of being safe, of being respected, or being valued is threatened.

I remember a conversation I had with an Orthodox Jewish Spanish teacher who was next door to my classroom at Walbrook High in Baltimore City. He grew up in Montréal. I asked him what it was like to grow up there as an Orthodox Jew. He said to me something that made a huge impact: He explained that he had no expectations that Christians would stop their public traditions because he was Jewish. He did not object to manger scenes at Christmas, of Carnaval being celebrated before Lent, of Catholic institutions being considered an integral part of Québécois patrimony. He really didn't care what the dominant culture thought about his faith tradition. What was important that equal protection and access under the law. His right to practice Judaism, to dress the way he wanted, to vote the way he wanted, to attend the schools he wanted were the same rights that the majority had.

Then there's another sort of identity politics:

"You can't cook meat because I'm offended by the smell." "You cant display your religious icons in public because I'm an atheist." "I have all these food sensitivities, there's nothing here for me." "I can't XYZ, so you can't/must ABC." "Christianity and God talk offend me even though I'm in a Quaker meeting." On one had we want to help the least of these and provide accommodations where we can. We want to respect their positions, their fears, their real pain. On the other hand, why does the majority have to tip toe around the minority? Where's the happy middle? I realize we aren't all Christians, but I do like Paul's admonition: "If it offends you don't do it" (1 Corinthians 8:13).

How can we be an inclusive community without the tyranny and manipulation of majority v. minority? How can we know our place in our communities as equals, even if as minorities? How can we who find ourselves in the majority not push ourselves on the minority while celebrating our traditions or practices? How can we feel heard or seen without using aspects of us to get that attention?

This gets hard when it comes to current social issues, but I think there is a way forward to be found. Not everyone will be happy all of the time, but in all of this where is civility? If we can't talk to one another, if we can't get beyond our pain to a place of healing, how do we grow as a diverse society? Everything fails when we fight. United we stand, divided we fall. The Tempter comes in our attachments. The Quaker message is not to pay attention to it, but to turn to the Light. When in darkness, when hurting, stuck in a habit or hung up about something, we can get so caught up in it that it comes to define us. Jesus was sent to preach the good news to poor people (Luke 4:18) and he told us to do as he did. Do we want to be healed or at least come to peace with what ails us? Do we want grace to overcome that which separates us? Or do we want to be caught up in it?

I don't expect Christians to take down the 10 commandments or to stop putting up Christmas trees. I don't expect Evangelicals to stop trying to convince me their way of believing is the right way. I don't expect everyone to accept me as a gay man. I don't expect everyone to like me. I don't even expect respect though it would be nice. What I do want is safety and the same rights as everyone else. As far as my HHH's go, I've come to realize I do not want to be defined by them. I do appreciate my Quaker and professional communities who have walked that tight rope to support me when hurting and down, but not to cosign it. What I don't want is for each aspect of what makes me me to become the focal point of my life because someone is coming after me because of them. I don't want to be solely defined by my short comings, character defects, or my illnesses either. Instead, look for that of God in me, see me as a complex man with conflicting traits and aspects. See me as someone growing in the Light, who, because of, or in spite of what makes me me, is worthy of the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness with the God of my understanding.

I have some queries to consider:

Community Dynamics: How does the prevalence of identity politics influence the sense of belonging and cohesion within local communities, and what strategies can foster inclusivity amidst diverse identities?

Intersectional Community Building: How can an understanding of intersectionality enhance efforts to build resilient and supportive communities that honor and uplift the diverse identities of their members?

Power Dynamics and Manipulation: In what ways do individuals or groups exploit identity politics narratives to manipulate public opinion, sow division, or consolidate power within communities, and what safeguards can be implemented to mitigate such manipulation while preserving freedom of expression?  In what ways do I use my identity to reinforce my sense of entitlement or want of security?

Future of Inclusive Communities: How might proactive engagement with identity politics contribute to the development of more inclusive and empathetic communities in the future, and what role can education and dialogue play in fostering understanding and unity amidst differences?

Friendly Bible Study and Jesus my Friend

You would think that liberal religion is going the way of the do do bird, and you might be right.  People have been leaving mainline churches for decades, but even Evangelical churches are seeing a decline in attendance.  Churches are shutting doors everywhere, but Homewood Friends Meeting is growing.  Pre-pandemic we were between 50-70 persons attending worship. We are now up to about 30-50 each Sunday, usually around 40.  Attendees at our meetings are roughly 1/2 under 40 years old.  In the past two months we've had a number of new memberships and transfers -- all young adults.  And these young adults are leading committees (Young Adult Friends, Anti-racism working group, Bible Study to name a few).

A year ago, a relatively new attender (now member) proposed starting Bible Study at Homewood.  I agreed to support it if he would take on the main job of convening the group.  Every 3rd Sunday before worship 6-10 Friends gather to do Friendly Bible Study.  

Now, considering that I'm a non-theist who has been reacting (recoiling) these past few years from the pain that I endured so long among Christians, who was more "into" alternative spiritualities than the tried and true Quaker Way (which is Christian), and who had arrived at a point where I couldn't make it through one chapter of the Bible without putting it down grimacing and walking away,  you may wonder why I agreed to do this.

It's because of the testimony of Lloyd Lee Wilson, a Quaker minister of North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative).  Lloyd Lee shared with me a story about how he was an atheist MIT grad who found Quakers through our peace stance during the Vietnam War.  When he asked if he could be a member, though he didn't believe in Christ or God, they asked him if he would be willing to wrestle with the tradition (Bible, Quaker writings, Faith and Practice). He said he would, and they accepted him.  Lloyd Lee also talks about avoiding picking and choosing the parts we like and don't like.  Sometimes the "food" we avoid is the best for us.  Sometimes the "rough corners" smooth out our own roughness. Sometimes the hard lessons and teachings make us open and tender to receive New Light and Truth.

So, Lloyd Lee was fully in my head when I was approached about Bible Study.  Not only did I recognize the need for more fellowship and learning at Homewood, but I recognized God moving through this Friend.  Here was an Opportunity, as Bill Taber called moments when we can come together in the Light with another Friend.  I also knew deep down inside that I had avoided the hard parts long enough.  

It has been amazing over the past year to study the Bible with a diverse group of Friends. Long-time members, new attenders ages 18-80s gather every month in the Lucretia Mott room upstairs around a conference room table and wrestle with the written foundation of our tradition.  We are all eager to learn and be informed.  It's a safe place to talk about what the sticking points are, where the challenges lie and what revelation is received.  God's Word does not return void, and in studying the written account, the Word has been working in me.

Now, the critic may say "wait, you're using Christian language, but you don't believe in a Father God."  I'm not going to go into my theology, but suffice it to say, that there is no other word I know to describe that Reality that instructs, guides, informs, reproves, regenerates, and comforts me.  A song from an apostolic church I attended as a kid comes to mind:

"In the Name of Jesus, In the Name of Jesus, We have a Victory!  In the Name of Jesus, In the Name of Jesus, Satan will have to flee! I can't tell you what God can do, but I can tell you what He's done for me! In the mighty name of God, we have a victory!"

My life experience still tells me that there are many religions and religious figures that teach ways to be faithful to their religion or to their higher powers.  So I'm not about to begin down that path of one religion being the only way.  It makes no sense and cannot be true.  That being said, Christianity is the home of my Quaker faith, and regardless of what I believe, or think I believe, it's intellectually lazy and spiritually avoidant to ignore this and not wrestle with it.

This is what I can tell you has happened over the past year.  In studying the Scripture with Friends, my heart has softened and become more tender.  The more I read about Jesus and the early Jesus movement, the more I love him.  I don't love him because of some cosmic formula that he fulfilled (died for my sins, eternal life, etc).  I love him because of his radical stances that shook cultural norms upside down.  He loved the sinner (prostitutes and people who did not keep the Law), the sick (lepers), the corrupted (tax collectors), and the stranger (Samaritans - ancestors of modern Gazans).  He cared deeply about his Jewish faith and knew his tradition backwards and forwards. But he shook that religion up too!  He was impatient with the corruption of money in the Temple (turned over the merchant's tables), of religious legalism (arguing with Pharisees and Sadducees) and abuse of power by the Romans and the Jewish priests.

It doesn't matter if everything or even most everything is accurate or true.  Whether I sit down with a Biblical Literalist or someone who thinks it's all made up (well, it is all made up, but you know what I mean), how you see the Bible does not affect how I do, and we both can experience God pouring through without having to agree on the particulars of the Book itself.  You see, Quakers never believed the Bible was the Word of God until Methodism influenced Quakerism in the 19th century.  It was always considered to be a "declaration of the source, but not the Source itself."  

Also during this year I've allowed colleagues to pray over me, all of them doing so in the name of Jesus.  To me the name of Jesus is a name of Power - God's Power through Love.  When we call on the name of Jesus, we are invoking love, healing, grace, mercy, rebirth.  

And Jesus is the Lord of my ancestors.  He is the one to whom my ancestors prayed as far back as we can go to the Huguenots on my mom's side and the Normans on my dad's.  If I venerate them and ignore their God, am I honoring them?  So who is this Jesus?  The Jesus I know is the one who asks his followers "Who do you say that I am?"  The Jesus I am trying to follow is the one who tells me to DO what he says and I am his friend (hence the name of Quakers -- Friends).  He is the radical rabbi or prophet who turned convention upside down and on whose teachings a new world religion was formed (for better or worse).  Through Jesus' life and death, gone is the need for sacrifice -- it's been done.  Gone is the need to appease God, Jesus' life and death does that.  These ancient Jewish and pagan notions of god(s) and our relationship to the Divine were made obsolete. If we enter into the Life of Jesus, there will be certain fruits of the spirit which will manifest through our walk in the Light.  

That's all well and good, and I believed that before I had to shed the label "Christian," So what's different?  What's different is my heart.  Through prayer and Bible study and through regular attendance at meetings, through the Spiritual Formation Program I participated in this year, I've come to realize that while my anger and hurt are understandable, a spirituality that is one of avoidance, of bitterness, of disdain or of resentment is toxic.  It doesn't facilitate growth and connectedness. In my case it just puts up more walls and keeps me from seeing that of God in other people.

So while I can't say I'm a Christian in the orthodox sense of the word, I am a Jesus person.  I do not see him as a God, as with Muslims and Jews I do not see any human as God.  But just as I can see that of God in my neighbor, and if I'm instructed to see that of God in my adversary, then I certainly can recognize that of God in Jesus.  Just as I can speak to and meditate on my ancestors, Jesus is a spiritual ancestor with whom I can talk and on whose teachings I can meditate. I don't have to take the trappings of the Church any more than Muslims do to accept Jesus as the prophet and teacher he was.

So what does this mean practically?  It means I'm healing.  It means I'm more grounded.  Who do I say that Jesus is?  My friend.