Ok, Friends, Trump won. It's ok. For now.

 I spent the past few weeks sick of watching MSNBC and CNN, sick of listening to NPR and various podcasts.  The very name of Trump or of MAGA made me anxious.  I just knew in my heart of hearts that Kamala was not going to win.  It doesn't matter why I thought it, just suffice it to say that when I woke up at 6am and drove to work (listening to NPR) I was not surprised at the outcome; surprised at the sweep Trump and Republicans made, but not surprised Trump won.

I'm not a fan of  Trump.  He supposedly said back when he was still a Democrat that if he ran for office it would be as a Republican. It's a falsehood that he called Republican voters dumb.  Still, he left the DNC for the GOP and cleaned house.  I hoped during the first term that he would pivot center or even back to his old self -- pro choice, not anti-gay, you know, not hateful.   I wish he would pivot center this time.  But I think he is surrounded by those who would not let him if he wanted to.

If you're a woman, a member of the LGBT populations, a person of color, you may be offended and feel threatened by the vitriol that has not only come from Trump, but his supporters and sycophants in the GOP.   It's only logical to be afraid.  There are some pretty radical hate groups who support Trump and he refuses to distance himself from them.  He courts strongmen like Putin and Ping.  Then there was January 6.

But instead of crying about it, I don't feel much of anything.  I voted Democrat. No junta showed up at my door yanking me out of my home for voting that way. That doesn't mean the potential for such a thing isn't there, but we aren't there yet.

Look, our country is a pretty centrist country.  People live in progressive bubbles and are annoyingly surprised at how most of this country is NOT like them.   Racism is part of our core.   The Patriarchy rules.   We can try and fight it all we want to but this crap is old, and we are naïve to think that decades of activism is going to undo centuries' of xenophobia, racism, and millennia  of patriarchal structures.  Power has been consolidated to a select few.  The tax burden is on the workers of this country.   The rich manipulate the rest of us to fight over resources when they gobble said resources up themselves.  This isn't new.  The Puritans persecuted the Quakers. The Irish hated the Italians.  Everyone treated blacks and indigenous people poorly (even many Quakers).  Each group that "makes it" in American society seems to adopt this xenophobic strain that runs deep.  

That also doesn't mean we have to accept it, but I sometimes think that there is this unrealistic expectation that we are going to socially progress rapidly, when rapid progression usually results in backlash.  That, too, doesn't mean we should not fight the fight, but I guess in my mind this is another setback in a struggle that has a long time ahead of us.

So, I sat in a meeting for worship last night where some Friends were in tears, some Friends were angry, lashing out at all of the racists who voted for Trump.  Yes, overtly racist people voted for Trump.  The DNC is full of liberal racists too.  Quakerism is full of racists too.  Wagging tongues and pointing fingers is not a good look, and while I understand the anger and frustration, people are complicated and vote the way they do for more than one reason. And let's not forget the media that many of the MAGA supporters watch. They often don't see the same side of Trump that the media we watch shows us.   

I could guess and surmise why people voted the way they did but it comes down to many of those same people who voted for Biden either didn't vote or didn't vote for Harris.  Basta!  It's the economy and immigration, guys. 

Our coalition of ethnic, gender and sexual groups is a fragile one. Brown skinned immigrants, many of whom are Muslim, threaten the white patriarchy that is North America and Europe. So there will be people opposing immigration for racial reasons only.  One might argue that because many parts of our coaltion are religiously conservative, this also threatens liberalism (look at what happened in Hamtramck, MI when liberals helped a Muslim majority get elected then the council turned around and banned gay pride flags on city property).  Liberals have been used to a coalition that supports each other because each member group is picked on by white conservatives.  That's not to say that there aren't liberal immigrants, but I'd be curious what the stats really are.

 LGBT, racial groups, religious minorities, we all have banded together because we have a common opponent.  Only, now, this coalition is fracturing and shifting.  The same people who support gay marriage can be opposed to certain aspects of trans rights.  Many ethnic minorities are socially conservative.  They hold their noses when working along side LGBT people.  They may not agree on abortion rights. When it comes down to it, the very racism that has been rampant among white liberals is now coming home to roost.   Liberal policy was made by and for white people with perhaps some input from black and brown Americans.  Over time, however, we have seen how white supremacy has hurt the progressive cause.  Conservatives see it.  They've called us out on it.

So we have this loose, fracturing coalition that did not hold together enough to beat Trump.  Fear of immigrants, of crime, and economic insecurity drove Trump into the White House, while we got side tracked on social issues.  Identity politics isn't playing in our favor anymore.  People see rising debt, increasing prices, emptier bank accounts and are afraid. Trump played to those fears.  Democrats didn't answer with much that was convincing.

So what do we do, those of us who didn't vote for Trump?  First, we take care of our own.  We need to be there for our LGBT friends and family who got raked over the coals this election cycle. We need to support our immigrant neighbors and let them know we are there for them, whatever that looks like.  We can continue to advocate for policies that expand freedoms and build wealth and opportunity.  But we also need to listen. There is a huge portion of this country who are fed propaganda that drives their actions as well.  Relationships are the key.  Ghettoizing ourselves and withdrawing from challenges and people who are unlike us only exacerbates the problem.

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone is called to be a prophet and those who are are often despised in hometown family.  Not everyone is called to be a pioneer in communities that otherwise would not welcome them.  I spent my entire adult life among Quakers who didn't like Christians (and yet I was one) and Quakers who didn't approve of my sexuality (but approved of my theology).  I've been among social conservatives and liberals.  I hear them talk about each other usually ignorantly.  But I felt called to be where I was, a sometimes faithful servant of Christ who happens to be gay. Or a gay Quaker who happens to be a follower of Jesus.  

So, I've been on the receiving end of judgment and discrimination in the Religious Society of Friends. So it's really rich when I hear Quakers calling out people who didn't vote like them.  Righteous indignation isn't a good look on anyone.  Doesn't mean they're wrong in their assessments, but it also means it's time to look within.

And that's where i am now.  It's time to regroup.  What actions am I taking that contribute to everyone being able to pursue life, liberty and happiness? What actions am I taking or have I taken that prohibit said pursuit?  How am I contributing to the great divide?  How does my community do the same?   I think it's time to look at our own house before casting stones at others'.   

Yes, lots of racists voted for Trump.  Yes, they're threatening the social safety nets that are in place.  Yes, many are aggressively anti-choice and anti-trans/gay.  But the lesson I've taken in life is first to make sure I'm not a hypocrite in my judgments. If I am, to fix that.  And then to form relationships with people who are open.  Eventually people accepted me because I'm gay, though not all. Eventually people accepted my Christianity (though not all).  It's time for me to go within, to listen to the Voice, and see what it would have me do. It's not time to call names and judge.

So I won't tell my friends to get over it.  That would be callous. But I feel like saying it. Instead, it's time to take stock, to get my house in order, and be ready for what God would have me do.

Trump one.  It's ok, Friends. For now.

A Quaker Serenity Prayer?

 Did you know there's more than one? 

Here's the one I'm most familiar with 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference. 

but wait, that's not it, the best part is:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next.
Amen

Reinhold Niebuhr (1926)

But then there's the Pagan Serenity Prayer

God & Goddess grant me:
The power of water, to accept with ease & grace what I cannot change
The power of fire, for the energy & courage to change the things I can.
The power of Air, for the ability to know the difference.
And the power of Earth, for the strength to continue my path.

So mote it be.

And then my own.  A Quaker Serenity Prayer

Light:

Guide me to accept what I cannot change

Teach me ways to change the things I can.

Water the seed of wisdom which shows the way forward

and Lead me into the Life and Power that takes away the occasion for harm.

Peace.

Words worth Hearing

I’m at a Quaker spiritual formation retreat in Western Maryland. For our first day, we began with a few readings. One was a midrash on Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”  Another was a poem by John O’Donoghue. I did not know who John O’Donoghue was until today. I read his poem “For a new beginning” And was asked to reflect on it individually before joining my spiritual partner. This is my reflection on that poem. Please forgive any odd or incomplete thoughts. I am dictating this on my iPhone of all places.

The Beginning (the Source) has been in the Out of the Way  parts of my heart. It has been forming all along waiting until I was ready. 

God watched my desire. God felt the emptiness growing inside me. My own will couldn’t let go of what I had outgrown.

God watched when I tried to take a road without challenge, when I chose an easier route with its gray promises.

God heard the turmoil and wondered if I would always live like this.

God delighted when I would gather courage to try a new path.  I am staring, not at a path of loss, but of plentitude; though I cannot see way forward. Not yet.

So I am encouraged to throw myself into this new beginning. Is the new beginning of my job? Choosing to serve the Religious Society of Friends? Choosing to wrestle with my tradition (Quaker teachings, Scripture, Jesus)?  What is my life’s desire? Peace and faithfulness to God was my desire until it wasn’t. Now it feels like that call to faithfulness, to service, to following my Guide and Inward Teacher Has more room than it has had for at least a decade and a half if not more, if not, since I was a child and felt God calling me to ministry, to serving him, to serving religious society.

I have been so angry and so hurt my entire life. Angry at myself, angry at liberal Quakers, who saw no room for a Christ-centered Friend. Angry so-called Christian Quakers, who had no room for a queer Friend. Angry at God for making me gay and not changing me so that I could have an easier path. Angry at myself for turning my back on what I knew I was called to be, turning to gay pop culture, and maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with the self-hate that had been compounded over the years.  When the Tempter tempted me with an easier, softer way, I yielded . No one really knew what to do with the queer kid for Christ. So, I said, "forget it, I'll just dive deep into the club scene and activism."  

And then, overtime, I lost faith.

My soul does sense a world that awaits me. Perhaps a world completely different than the one I know.

*******

“ Art thou and the darkness?

Mind it not,

For if thou dost It will feed thee more.

But stand still, and act not,

And wait in patience,

'Til light arises out of darkness

And leads thee.”  James Naylor 1659

From this quote, I take what is key darkness is a part of life. Light arises from it and leads. I remember the quote from a friend Kathleen Mavournin at West Knoxville Friends who wrote a message on my going away poster when I was heading from Knoxville to Guilford College.

“ May you always walk in the light, except when you need to sit in the dark a little.”  she wrote.  I thought she had lost her mind when I read that and now I see.

So let it be. Amen.

Identity Politics - Living in Community

 I'm in my thinking/feeling space on this and am open to thoughts:

It hasn't risen to the level of ministry, that is to say, while this is stirring in me, I haven't been given the words to share this in meeting, but I'm particularly concerned about how we identify. #IdentityPolitics is a Thing. Both the left and the right use it. Since I'm not a on the Right, I don't know the prescription for how they use identity to divide. I'm more concerned with my own camp. First, let me say that I believe I wouldn't have put so much emphasis on being gay if the straight world hadn't singled me out and those like me. It's because I was told explicitly and implicitly growing up in East Tennessee that I was an outsider, that people preferred to see me outcast, that I was degenerate, deviant, evil, unacceptable in the eyes of the Lord (and so on) that I was forced to focus so much on an aspect of my life that should be as inconsequential to me as being straight is to a heterosexual. My hyperfocus on my sexuality was due in large part to everyone else's attention to that aspect of me. I also had to defend my identity as male. When I grew up "no real man" was gay. #toxicmasculinity and internalized #homophobia shaped how I saw myself a man. I fought hard to convince myself and others that I was "just as man an he is."

However, as a white guy, I was part of a shrinking racial majority, but a majority nonetheless. Growing up, my sensibilities and cultural perspectives were the dominant expression on TV and in mainstream print media. There were Blacks and Asians at my school, but not many. Whiteness was the norm. White supremacy (both in the systemic but also the KKK way) was dominant in my culture, though my parents tried to shield us from the harsher aspects of white racism and didn't put up with it in our home.

So I get why white, straight Christian people are resistant to hearing about the plight of marginalized groups. If one has no experience being marginalized, and one hasn't looked to see how one has participated in or benefitted from that marginalization, one may be blind to the dynamics I explained above. Also, no one wants to look at how they participate in oppressive structures. That feeling of realization isn't pleasant. Not everyone wants to share. Many have religious views that support their prejudice.

I think it's unavoidable in today's rapidly changing demographic to not focus on what it means to be white, gay, neurodivergent, politically and socially left/libertarian. There are so many people out there who experience the world differently from me, unless I operate in a bubble, I'm invited to see how people live, think and believe differently from me. That doesn't threaten me. When I have felt resistance, I often later realize that some part of my privilege or sense of right order was challenged. Usually, upon examination, my sense of entitlement is what's really bothered. Sometimes my sense of being safe, of being respected, or being valued is threatened.

I remember a conversation I had with an Orthodox Jewish Spanish teacher who was next door to my classroom at Walbrook High in Baltimore City. He grew up in Montréal. I asked him what it was like to grow up there as an Orthodox Jew. He said to me something that made a huge impact: He explained that he had no expectations that Christians would stop their public traditions because he was Jewish. He did not object to manger scenes at Christmas, of Carnaval being celebrated before Lent, of Catholic institutions being considered an integral part of Québécois patrimony. He really didn't care what the dominant culture thought about his faith tradition. What was important that equal protection and access under the law. His right to practice Judaism, to dress the way he wanted, to vote the way he wanted, to attend the schools he wanted were the same rights that the majority had.

Then there's another sort of identity politics:

"You can't cook meat because I'm offended by the smell." "You cant display your religious icons in public because I'm an atheist." "I have all these food sensitivities, there's nothing here for me." "I can't XYZ, so you can't/must ABC." "Christianity and God talk offend me even though I'm in a Quaker meeting." On one had we want to help the least of these and provide accommodations where we can. We want to respect their positions, their fears, their real pain. On the other hand, why does the majority have to tip toe around the minority? Where's the happy middle? I realize we aren't all Christians, but I do like Paul's admonition: "If it offends you don't do it" (1 Corinthians 8:13).

How can we be an inclusive community without the tyranny and manipulation of majority v. minority? How can we know our place in our communities as equals, even if as minorities? How can we who find ourselves in the majority not push ourselves on the minority while celebrating our traditions or practices? How can we feel heard or seen without using aspects of us to get that attention?

This gets hard when it comes to current social issues, but I think there is a way forward to be found. Not everyone will be happy all of the time, but in all of this where is civility? If we can't talk to one another, if we can't get beyond our pain to a place of healing, how do we grow as a diverse society? Everything fails when we fight. United we stand, divided we fall. The Tempter comes in our attachments. The Quaker message is not to pay attention to it, but to turn to the Light. When in darkness, when hurting, stuck in a habit or hung up about something, we can get so caught up in it that it comes to define us. Jesus was sent to preach the good news to poor people (Luke 4:18) and he told us to do as he did. Do we want to be healed or at least come to peace with what ails us? Do we want grace to overcome that which separates us? Or do we want to be caught up in it?

I don't expect Christians to take down the 10 commandments or to stop putting up Christmas trees. I don't expect Evangelicals to stop trying to convince me their way of believing is the right way. I don't expect everyone to accept me as a gay man. I don't expect everyone to like me. I don't even expect respect though it would be nice. What I do want is safety and the same rights as everyone else. As far as my HHH's go, I've come to realize I do not want to be defined by them. I do appreciate my Quaker and professional communities who have walked that tight rope to support me when hurting and down, but not to cosign it. What I don't want is for each aspect of what makes me me to become the focal point of my life because someone is coming after me because of them. I don't want to be solely defined by my short comings, character defects, or my illnesses either. Instead, look for that of God in me, see me as a complex man with conflicting traits and aspects. See me as someone growing in the Light, who, because of, or in spite of what makes me me, is worthy of the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness with the God of my understanding.

I have some queries to consider:

Community Dynamics: How does the prevalence of identity politics influence the sense of belonging and cohesion within local communities, and what strategies can foster inclusivity amidst diverse identities?

Intersectional Community Building: How can an understanding of intersectionality enhance efforts to build resilient and supportive communities that honor and uplift the diverse identities of their members?

Power Dynamics and Manipulation: In what ways do individuals or groups exploit identity politics narratives to manipulate public opinion, sow division, or consolidate power within communities, and what safeguards can be implemented to mitigate such manipulation while preserving freedom of expression?  In what ways do I use my identity to reinforce my sense of entitlement or want of security?

Future of Inclusive Communities: How might proactive engagement with identity politics contribute to the development of more inclusive and empathetic communities in the future, and what role can education and dialogue play in fostering understanding and unity amidst differences?

Friendly Bible Study and Jesus my Friend

You would think that liberal religion is going the way of the do do bird, and you might be right.  People have been leaving mainline churches for decades, but even Evangelical churches are seeing a decline in attendance.  Churches are shutting doors everywhere, but Homewood Friends Meeting is growing.  Pre-pandemic we were between 50-70 persons attending worship. We are now up to about 30-50 each Sunday, usually around 40.  Attendees at our meetings are roughly 1/2 under 40 years old.  In the past two months we've had a number of new memberships and transfers -- all young adults.  And these young adults are leading committees (Young Adult Friends, Anti-racism working group, Bible Study to name a few).

A year ago, a relatively new attender (now member) proposed starting Bible Study at Homewood.  I agreed to support it if he would take on the main job of convening the group.  Every 3rd Sunday before worship 6-10 Friends gather to do Friendly Bible Study.  

Now, considering that I'm a non-theist who has been reacting (recoiling) these past few years from the pain that I endured so long among Christians, who was more "into" alternative spiritualities than the tried and true Quaker Way (which is Christian), and who had arrived at a point where I couldn't make it through one chapter of the Bible without putting it down grimacing and walking away,  you may wonder why I agreed to do this.

It's because of the testimony of Lloyd Lee Wilson, a Quaker minister of North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative).  Lloyd Lee shared with me a story about how he was an atheist MIT grad who found Quakers through our peace stance during the Vietnam War.  When he asked if he could be a member, though he didn't believe in Christ or God, they asked him if he would be willing to wrestle with the tradition (Bible, Quaker writings, Faith and Practice). He said he would, and they accepted him.  Lloyd Lee also talks about avoiding picking and choosing the parts we like and don't like.  Sometimes the "food" we avoid is the best for us.  Sometimes the "rough corners" smooth out our own roughness. Sometimes the hard lessons and teachings make us open and tender to receive New Light and Truth.

So, Lloyd Lee was fully in my head when I was approached about Bible Study.  Not only did I recognize the need for more fellowship and learning at Homewood, but I recognized God moving through this Friend.  Here was an Opportunity, as Bill Taber called moments when we can come together in the Light with another Friend.  I also knew deep down inside that I had avoided the hard parts long enough.  

It has been amazing over the past year to study the Bible with a diverse group of Friends. Long-time members, new attenders ages 18-80s gather every month in the Lucretia Mott room upstairs around a conference room table and wrestle with the written foundation of our tradition.  We are all eager to learn and be informed.  It's a safe place to talk about what the sticking points are, where the challenges lie and what revelation is received.  God's Word does not return void, and in studying the written account, the Word has been working in me.

Now, the critic may say "wait, you're using Christian language, but you don't believe in a Father God."  I'm not going to go into my theology, but suffice it to say, that there is no other word I know to describe that Reality that instructs, guides, informs, reproves, regenerates, and comforts me.  A song from an apostolic church I attended as a kid comes to mind:

"In the Name of Jesus, In the Name of Jesus, We have a Victory!  In the Name of Jesus, In the Name of Jesus, Satan will have to flee! I can't tell you what God can do, but I can tell you what He's done for me! In the mighty name of God, we have a victory!"

My life experience still tells me that there are many religions and religious figures that teach ways to be faithful to their religion or to their higher powers.  So I'm not about to begin down that path of one religion being the only way.  It makes no sense and cannot be true.  That being said, Christianity is the home of my Quaker faith, and regardless of what I believe, or think I believe, it's intellectually lazy and spiritually avoidant to ignore this and not wrestle with it.

This is what I can tell you has happened over the past year.  In studying the Scripture with Friends, my heart has softened and become more tender.  The more I read about Jesus and the early Jesus movement, the more I love him.  I don't love him because of some cosmic formula that he fulfilled (died for my sins, eternal life, etc).  I love him because of his radical stances that shook cultural norms upside down.  He loved the sinner (prostitutes and people who did not keep the Law), the sick (lepers), the corrupted (tax collectors), and the stranger (Samaritans - ancestors of modern Gazans).  He cared deeply about his Jewish faith and knew his tradition backwards and forwards. But he shook that religion up too!  He was impatient with the corruption of money in the Temple (turned over the merchant's tables), of religious legalism (arguing with Pharisees and Sadducees) and abuse of power by the Romans and the Jewish priests.

It doesn't matter if everything or even most everything is accurate or true.  Whether I sit down with a Biblical Literalist or someone who thinks it's all made up (well, it is all made up, but you know what I mean), how you see the Bible does not affect how I do, and we both can experience God pouring through without having to agree on the particulars of the Book itself.  You see, Quakers never believed the Bible was the Word of God until Methodism influenced Quakerism in the 19th century.  It was always considered to be a "declaration of the source, but not the Source itself."  

Also during this year I've allowed colleagues to pray over me, all of them doing so in the name of Jesus.  To me the name of Jesus is a name of Power - God's Power through Love.  When we call on the name of Jesus, we are invoking love, healing, grace, mercy, rebirth.  

And Jesus is the Lord of my ancestors.  He is the one to whom my ancestors prayed as far back as we can go to the Huguenots on my mom's side and the Normans on my dad's.  If I venerate them and ignore their God, am I honoring them?  So who is this Jesus?  The Jesus I know is the one who asks his followers "Who do you say that I am?"  The Jesus I am trying to follow is the one who tells me to DO what he says and I am his friend (hence the name of Quakers -- Friends).  He is the radical rabbi or prophet who turned convention upside down and on whose teachings a new world religion was formed (for better or worse).  Through Jesus' life and death, gone is the need for sacrifice -- it's been done.  Gone is the need to appease God, Jesus' life and death does that.  These ancient Jewish and pagan notions of god(s) and our relationship to the Divine were made obsolete. If we enter into the Life of Jesus, there will be certain fruits of the spirit which will manifest through our walk in the Light.  

That's all well and good, and I believed that before I had to shed the label "Christian," So what's different?  What's different is my heart.  Through prayer and Bible study and through regular attendance at meetings, through the Spiritual Formation Program I participated in this year, I've come to realize that while my anger and hurt are understandable, a spirituality that is one of avoidance, of bitterness, of disdain or of resentment is toxic.  It doesn't facilitate growth and connectedness. In my case it just puts up more walls and keeps me from seeing that of God in other people.

So while I can't say I'm a Christian in the orthodox sense of the word, I am a Jesus person.  I do not see him as a God, as with Muslims and Jews I do not see any human as God.  But just as I can see that of God in my neighbor, and if I'm instructed to see that of God in my adversary, then I certainly can recognize that of God in Jesus.  Just as I can speak to and meditate on my ancestors, Jesus is a spiritual ancestor with whom I can talk and on whose teachings I can meditate. I don't have to take the trappings of the Church any more than Muslims do to accept Jesus as the prophet and teacher he was.

So what does this mean practically?  It means I'm healing.  It means I'm more grounded.  Who do I say that Jesus is?  My friend.

Rise up! Crime Cops and Action - a rant

I woke up this am, and immediately checked my apps.  I have been prolific in my posts,  realizing afterwards, prolific doesn't equate coherent. I checked the Nextdoor app. I saw my post responding to yet another post about car theft made no sense.  I realize I hadn't put any thought into what I was saying so what was the point?

I'll preface this probable ensuing mansplaining:  I learned during my time in government relations and through teaching, that in politics,  "perception is reality."   The perception I and others have is that authorities aren't doing enough, or "anything."  

That doesn't mean that cops and the mayor really aren't doing anything. It's that  they don't SEEM to be doing anything effective about the car issue or other crimes.  And they may not be doing all they can or could.

This is my somewhat confessional insight: First I believe that more than one thing can be true at once.  So, when I'm not lazy, I try to consider all sides, weigh what I know, check in with people who I know do the research and don't necessarily share my political views or social stances, and then post. 😏 That is not, however, the norm.

So, what do I believe is going on?  I'm not entirely sure!  I do know, from observation from living 40 something years in the South and 20 something years of those years in the city,  that the the problem is to a great degree systemic.  The system of laws, of punishments,  and rewards benefit those who wrote them.  Many opportunities afforded by laws, zoning codes, districting, are deliberately and accidentally classist, racist, precarious for immigrants and LGBT people and  women, etc. The responsibility for fixing that system  and coming up with fair and equitable remedies and solutions includes many who might read this blog, who participate in related discussions on social media, and who live in our city.  

The system as I understand it:  Y'all know that the executive branch of our city government is supposed to carry out the laws and enforce the laws, but in this case I don't see how that is happening effectively. 

Legislators and the feds have successfully pissed off the BPD (not saying reform is bad, but what's the point if it's not done correctly, inclusively, and justly). And I don't care if those who are part of the problem in law-enforcement are mad, but I do care if the entire force feels alienated and therefore either through reaction or pressure does not become part of the solution. And sometimes even some of the bad apples do turn around, but we can't wait for them to do it. I get that. Again, the legislators and the judges, the judicial branch, often insulate the executive branch from the consequences of corruption and abuse. In Baltimore we might partially solve that if we just vote them out. But people don't vote, and when they do, though they vote with their feelings and are not always informed.

So about other points ot view: I've listened to police talk on news shows (MSNBC,  NPR, local radio and F*x) and some of them are too hesitant or too angry to do what they  believe they need to do. 

And they are getting mixed messages and little moral or financial support to do their jobs or to relearn their jobs.  They are asked and legislated  to be more than law enforcers, but also drug and alcohol counselors, mediators, etc. And at least they claim to be open to reform. I'm a cynic, but I have to at least give people a chance before I vote for someone to slap them down. If I've given up hope, oh well. Right? Or.....

Slap them down with votes.  Votes. 

Back to the system:  So, ok, the  mayor oversees the police department as they are part of the same government branch; therefore he is responsible, at least politically.  While I hold the Executive branch partly responsible, those we elect (including some prosecutors and judges) undermine the BPD with political rhetoric (defund the police) as well as thru manipulative use of demographics and social injustice to deflect from root, causal issues pertaining to our culture.  Judges don't give maximum sentences for violent crimes, and  often  when they do, they apply harsh penalties in sentences to Blacks, than they do to white people.  Now, I'm not trying to make anybody feel guilty. I don't want any Moms of liberty coming after me.  Actually, bring it on. I'll ask them why empathy is such a bad thing then I'll point out that I get it cause they don't have any.

Sorry, ok, sermonizing here: There exists rampant ignorance or lies about our history, and a general personal, familial, and community moral and breakdown and sense of personal responsibility and accountability to family and community .  Just look at what's going on all over this country, especially in Florida and Virginia, and other southern states where they are actively rewriting the curriculum to exclude any mention of atrocities committed by white people. It wasn't the Chinese or the Persians!   

Anytime someone tells me that an accurate portrayal of the 300+ year American racist system between white and black people makes them feel guilty, I question their emotional intelligence. If you feel bad for what your ancestors did, that's sympathy. It's a GOOD thing you're experiencing!  If you feel guilty, then you need to talk to a therapist. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Instead, use that feeling to effect some change! Start with  a little change in your own family or social circle!

When I was at Earlham School of Religion, I had a professor named John Punshon.  He was a recorded Friends minister, and elder in two different traditions of Quakerism, both a more Protestant Christian one and the other a more mystical universalist one (my Quaker meeting is dually affiliated but leans to the latter).  One day in one of my Quakerism classes, he asked us what the two kinds of people in this world were at least in our country or in our quaker, religious society. And you can imagine all of the answers: left and right, liberal, or conservative, evangelicals, or fundamentalist.  He let us go on until we ran out of ideas.  Finally, smiling, he said "it is thinking, and unthinking people." Those are the two groups.  He went on to explain that in any political or social debate there will be people on all sides or most side, who are thinking. They listen, reflect, weigh anecdotal experience or evidence and opinions with facts. Those who don't think are either lazy or haven't been taught how to think. They go on feelings. And of course there are also those who are very smart and know what they're doing, but are dishonest and manipulative. I tend to think that it's like a Venn diagram. There's a little bit of both and we can be on any side of that, depending where we are and  issue.

Considering that, I don't care how progressive or conservative a school is, I don't believe that we really understand as a people that we have been manipulated and used since the beginning of Time by those who make laws and wield power.  The structural problems that we see today aren't an accident.   And yet today we see people trying to cover it all up. #momsofliberty  

When someone tells me that teaching about a racist history makes their children feel bad I go nuts. So basically they object to an accurate portrayal of the apartheid caste system made by and for white rich people, which manipulated not rich white people into thinking they were "all the same," (you know, white). This racial caste system was forced on Black people for the past few centuries in this country. That is making people feel guilty? No. It shouldn't.  It should instead mean that you can still hear the still, small voice of God within you; the spirit, the Light that your God uses to speak to you, even though your conscience is polluted and poisoned by cultural products, practices. and perspectives!  

I confess that I question their emotional intelligence (or else their sincerity) if  they don't recognize sympathy, or empathy or how they benefited from the system and feel a little guilty. Some guilt is good some  guilt is bad.  It depends on whether it causes you to write a wrong or to continue living in sin. And racism and doing nothing about abject poverty, is nothing but societal sin. 

 If we have  had bad things happen to us, there could be empathy!  And besides, don't we send sympathy cards all the time recognizing when bad things happen people to people? It’s the nice thing to do.  We offer our condolences and ask if we can help. So when poor people or people of color, or the immigrant, or the stranger tell us about their pain and we realize that maybe we look like the people who have done the harm we can simply recognize that the dynamic is triggering, at the least. In any event, if someone says "I'm hurting," we don't sit and go "well, you shouldn't feel pain or hurt" nor do we argue with them, unless we're just dicks. We ask how we can help and if we're really good and it's appropriate, we advocate for them, we go with them, we stand up for them. But in this case it's Black people and poor people who are marginalized. The way the system works is that we set up systems so that the rest of us who have 401(k)s and have a little boxes on the hillside, cars & insurance feel like we've arrived and we're different. Racism and poverty are not our problem and we have nothing to do with it.

[Shit, my mom just came out seeing me dictate this as I edit what I already wrote. She asked me what on earth I was doing as I wave my hands in the air and was so animated. 🥸🤪😎]

So before any of us, or at least before I think that we're more informed than the others, I want to concentrate on what we do about it.  WE have to rise up! I probably am already come across as pedantic and righteous. It comes out naturally, when I'm angry or upset about some thing. I'm actually trying not to be so.

So, as a good Quaker, having thought that I have somewhat of a grasp of at least part of the problem, let's turn from the problem where the Tempter can get us, and turn to the solution. What is the light moving me to say? Well, I haven't checked this with anyone else, so I can completely be wrong in my perception, but no one knows  about my blog anyway, and journaling is a highly  recommended practice.😂

It's just at this point in my thought process I am so frustrated.  We are (I am) afraid to even have or participate in neighborhood watches.  Most churches hide behind their walls, taking positions on things but risking little or nothing.  Churches are often irrelevant to many, certainly the criminal element. Traditional sources of moral authority have lost their credibility. Corruption, hypocrisy, religious legalism, collusion between religion and government are rampant. The prosperity gospel (give money to man who uses Bible words, and God will reward you), is all over the TV and radio. In many Christian churches pastors and politicians who attend them have nicer cars and live in nicer homes than their  congregants. What would it look like if every church in a four block area got together on a regular basis did a neighborhood watch walked around and offered to feed the hungry, get sick people to the doctor, offer professional courtesies (free massage/acupuncture/counseling) listen to or pray with the broken people around them ? What if they join the #BaltimorePeaceMovement ?  What if so-called religious people and institutions spent more of their time, feeding the hungry and healing the sick and praying in private and less time telling everybody what to do? If I hear one more person say they are  "blessed and highly favored" every time I say, "how are you?" I think I might gouge out my tongue because it's going to cost me to sin. 😈  Blessed and highly favored by whom? How does that help everyone else?

(ok Im ranting tangentially) 

And it's not just about cars being stolen (the impetus for this rant). One of my former students was murdered this year. In one month the same three middle schoolers tried twice to mug on my street in Ridgleys as I was walking home. And while it's not unique to Baltimore package thieves must come out of holes in the ground because they're everywhere.

I blame this on, and recognize good ol'  #societalbreakdown . As we say in education, teachers (cops too?) are afraid of their principals (cops are afraid of their commanders), principals are afraid of their superintendents (commanders are afraid of their chiefs), sups/chiefs are afraid of their mayors/execs,  the mayors/execs are afraid or bound by their legislators, all of them fear parents/voters, the parents fear their kids (or are too permissive/incompetent/misguided/enabling) and "kids" aren't afraid of anybody. 

The solution isn't simple, I realize this.  But cops carry out what they are told to do (with a sorry history of abuse) so trust is broken.  People don't trust and therefore respect authority in general these days.  When citizens are afraid of their own youth, the youth grow up continuing their anti-social behavior. There is generational poverty. There is also a generational criminality.     I include myself in this judgment.  No, my parents are criminals. But… I'm just saying I have my own rebellious mindset and cynicism as well distrust of "authority."  

The legislature has kept citizens from being able to rightly defend themselves. Cops don't  really don't want more people, whatever their intent, running around brandishing more guns, complicating matters.  We all keep waiting for the right person or people to stand up and lead us to rise up against oppression, police brutality, government and religious corruption, but what about the leaders who help us rise up and march and protest against criminality in our own streets?  What about the leaders who actually inspire us to look within ourselves and let the light shine on all of the things we don't want to see or admit, so that we can turn into the light and walk in the light and learn to love ourselves, our own peeps,  the stranger and those who persecute us? 

Again, have the #baltimorepeacemovement which is doing great witness and service.  My Quaker meeting donates to  them and a few Quakers show up to their gatherings. My Quaker meeting has a monthly prayer vigil and after every worship, we read the names and hold in the Light names of people, murdered in Baltimore, including one of my former students. But we aren't rising up. And I'm sure someone is reading this frustrated because their group of people, whatever kind of group that is, they are also trying to do things to spread love and light, healing and nourishment. I know good and well there are people out there trying to raise Hope in a hopeless environment.  

I remember, marching in the marches after Freddie gray, going through #Sandtown-Winchester, and then going back downtown, thousands of people, marching against the injustice done by an instution and people. I didn't feel threatened because I just believed that all of those tanks and machine guns were absolutely not going to be fired on any of us.  One, there were too many white people, and too many young people. #whiteprivilege 

And while there are #blm vigils, they are always in safe areas. I don't see people (other than #baltimorepeacemovement ) going into gang infested areas, flooding the streets by the thousands decrying  the injustices done by criminals. I know why:  For me, it's because those kids with guns may actually shoot at us!  Our churches and homes may actually be firebombed by organized crime!  We may lose life, limb or liberty.  

I go back to this:  Two things can be true at once. The police can't do it all alone, the mayor can't do it alone either.  The systems respond when the people rise up.  

Sometimes, I feel that we've cut off the BPD's and legislators' balls instead of reforming things. I suspect even if the blue had a social-justice mindsets fueled whatever politically acceptable metaphorical gonads required to do their job, they/we need us. We need ourselves, and we need to be willing to risk life,  to stand up against violence to stand up in the streets on the streets to say we had enough to stop blaming  at the people we elect and realize that this is a completely participatory government and society, not an autocracy. And I say that with fear and trepidation that one day I might have someone somewhere find me if I go public with this fire inside me.  I fear being shot or beat up if we marched through gang infested and controlled territories, saying we've had enough. But for now, I'll join most church goers and sit  safely in my  meeting house wanting someone else to do the job. 

Solutions:   Guns won't solve our problems and legislation against guns won't solve it. Just as alcoholism and drug addiction are symptoms of a sick emotional and spiritual condition, based on resentment, anger, fear, trauma and genetics (mental illness), so too is violence.  

We, as a society have to be willing to rise up to say no to violence where it happens, bring love, healing and care to those affected by it (both perpetrator and victim). We must also play pur part in changing the systems.

I had a big rant that is based on the Bible, but I realize that anything I say beyond this would be like so many of the preachers and religious teachers in our city. They know the Bible backwards and forwards, but where is the love? Religion has become about tradition and doctrine, and being highly favored, and redeemed, and it's tribal. Maybe it's always been that way. I also know there's been many many movements for reform. So I'm not at all sure the answer is with religious bodies anymore. But I also know that I as a religionist have to really open myself up to receiving revelation, inspiration, and direction. Delusions of Grandeur aside,  I do know from experience that after I post this that I have to stop. I need to be still. And I need to listen and search for that love that's in my heart before I move to the corner or to the streets with you  challenging hate, and spreading the love that I experience.

I am powerless without the Power.

I am directionless without the Guide.

I am ignorant without my Teacher.

I am self-absorbed and fearful without my community.

I am at but a beginning.  I am starting to admit that I have a role in this, even if everything I said in this blog is off the mark or #bullshit

What do you say? Does what you say come from the Light within you? Please share.

Places of refuge and power

 I just left the #Quaker meeting (church) where I grew up in Knoxville.  The #meetinghouse and #greencemetery sit on 13 acres of wooded land.  Just to walk the grounds is calming and peaceful.  It's a small group of people still trying to let the #Light teach them the way of #surrendering to #love.  I visited my late partner's grave that his mother and father tend.  I marveled at the raw beauty.  Rain tumbled through he trees as sunlight tried to find a way through the dense summer foliage.  The Baptists developed the land below, it's all parking lots, buildings and roads.  The neighbors to one side sold their land which will soon have multiple houses on it. But there are enough trees and plants growing that in the late spring, summer and early fall, it is an oasis from the encroaching development of West Knoxville.  The sound of traffic is blocked, and I could only hear #woodpeckers, chirping birds, and chattering #squirrels. I could see and hear jumping #chipmunks and the wind blowing through the trees. Unseen are the slithering #snakes, and creepy crawly bugs, lest I stop and be still, wait, listen and see whats really going on. I'm reminded that my Quaker spiritual practice even works in nature.  I am reminded this morning that while the message of surrender, love, inward  transformation and regeneration may seem quaint, while in this world of division, hatred, fear, violence, self-obsession, addiction and attachments to things, ideas, people and certain religious and political doctrines and dogma appear to dominate, here, in the middle of suburban Knoxville, there is a spiritual oasis and font of power whether one attends the Quakers' quiet meetings or walks the grounds "alone." Anyone can come whether to see if this could be part of their practice, a new way of life, or just a place to walk, or sit and be.  Anyone is welcome, no one will ask anyone to "convert" or believe anything ;and if someone doesn't want to attend Quaker meetings, they can enjoy the grounds any day.   When I get back to Baltimore,  I have to remember to find and return to places of refuge and power, both within, and around our city.