Trump lost. Yay.

 I sat in meeting for worship today expecting to either be bored to tears sitting on a zoom meeting (I do zoom meetings every day with different groups, please not another one where no one says anything); that, or be inspired.  It's usually one or the other.  Someone usually is led to speak, inevitably someone speaks whether they are led to or not, and it at least stimulates the intellect if not the soul.  The Light can move as the Light wills.

And the Light did.   Lots of times people think of the Light as this warm fuzzy. You know, you turn to it for comfort and instruction; never you mind that sometimes the Instructor is annoyed as hell and you're not paying attention.  Or worse, you have been outright ignoring your Teacher for weeks, not listening and doing what you've been guided away from and not doing what you're Guide is leading you to do.  Naw, thanks, I'll be happy with a D in your class, maybe a C.  You're ultimately forgiving, so I know I won't fail.

Perhaps.  I think we can fall flat on our asses or as least show our behinds and the Light is there with us as we do it.  It can't stop us from being willful, but is there when we are willing.  Always there. Never gone.  No matter the consequence. 

This is my experience.

You see, Trump lost.  I hate the man.  I loathe and rue his life.  After he got elected I was driving in my car and he started down his road of idiocy in an interview with the press. I was at a stop light.  I lost it. I started screaming maniacally and beating the steering wheel with both fits. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"  Over and over and over again, sweat pouring from my brow, tears streaming down my face spittle coming out of my mouth and hitting the dash. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU."

Mind you, I was the one when everyone was protesting his victory saying "shut up, whiners, he won fair and square. This protesting is ridiculous." He did win fair and square but our country elected a twat.

I will not give public voice to the darkest of my thoughts which began to surface this past year.  Suffice it to say, when he got COVID, I had dark hopes. 

So, when he lost the election, I saw those signs down in DC.  "You're fired!"  "BYE DON" and then the unsavory ones.  I reveled too.  I was so relieved this ogre from hell would go back to his Black Tower and face New York prosecutors.  Fuck you, President Trump.  Throwing my middle finger up at him "This is for you" throwing another one up " and this is for your horse."

Ahhhhhh

That's all well and good. It gave me a sense of power that I could reclaim.  My side won now (never mind literally half the country voted for Trump).  Oh and whatever's wrong with McConnell's hand, I hope it falls off and takes him into the ground with him. Goblin.  He won, but he's not well.  That could bode well for us.

So I came this morning to worship with some expectations, and boy the Light decided it had had enough and I happened to show up to class willing to listen. The Light turned on me like a spot light.  In that space I felt completely convicted in a way that I have not felt in years.  Hate, covetousness, jealousy, pride I thought if the Light went on all 7 deadly sins would be listed.

So I sat in that, but sitting in our sin is not the manner of Friends.  The Light shows us the nature of what ails us, but if we look to it, the Deceiver, the Tempter will have us in that.  We don't look to the sin, instead we look to the solution, to where the Light points us.  A convicted heart will seek repentance, forgiveness and will change.  And mine was indeed convicted.  How have I strayed so far into hate?  I never thought I could hate so much, but I also realized it was fueled by unresolved hate from growing up, from how all those people (Trump types) made life hard for decades.   It wasn't just Trump, it was unresolved pain and forgiveness that I have not given to those who caused it.  

Whoa.

And, come on, Kevin-Douglas, you know what it's like to lose, to not be on the winning side. For crying out loud, it just happened 4 years ago. You like to play cooperative games, but you know when you lose at something you don't like it.  It's ok to be joyful that we won (Yay Biden & Harris!), but you're a Quaker, a Friend of the Light, one who supposedly seeks for peace and reconciliation.  Why are you gloating?  And your hate people only is growing on itself like a spiritual cancer.  You know it when you feel it.  But you have ignored it.

It's a happy thing we're about to change, but it's a SAD thing our President was who he was and governed how he governed.  And if you want to bring people who voted for him over, or at least to have them give Biden a chance, is this how you do it? With glee at their loss as opposed to joy at your win? Revel, delight, be joyful that an opportunity for justice and change has arrived, but do not push the noses of your opponents in the dirt.  Do not treat them as enemies. Pray for your opponents. Show them charity. 

Hmmmm.  So I felt led to pray.

Dear Light,

Mine is a convicted heart.

My soul is not well.  It hurts, it envies, it hates, it takes joy and pride in the fall of another.

Heal me.  

I want peace. Help me be peaceful.

I want love. Help me be charitable and friendly.

I want grace. Help me be gracious.

I want reconciliation. Help me forgive.

I want justice. Help me be just.

So mote it be.