Is Baltimore Yearly Meeting Christian... enough?

Baltimore YM is affiliated with Friends United Meeting which acknowledges Jesus as "Teacher and Lord." Honestly, the number of Friends in BYM who have any relationship with or involvement in FUM is nominal. Few individual meetings offer education about the ministries of FUM. How many African, Latin or Midwestern ministers and elders have been invited to monthly meetings to speak, teach or worship? Do our women participate in United Society of Friends Women or our men with Quaker Men? Do we participate in the prayer chains and circles that are a common part of FUM meetings? I can guess the answer to those questions. No, we really are General Conference Yearly Meeting. Baltimore long ago forgot what it means to be a consolidated Yearly Meeting, and one example was the move to formally end the practice of recognizing and nurturing monthly meetings who call out individuals to serve as gospel ministers and elders. This is a common practice among FUM and Conservative yearly meetings. In Baltimore YM, the consolidation of the Hicksite and Orthodox Yearly Meetings has ended up being what it has in most of the East Coast Yearly Meetings: Christian thought and expression in has been, for lack of a better word, overcome. We can still point to pockets here and there in BYM, of individuals in this meeting or that who are Christian. Even so, these Christian friends often seem to have to defend their position rather than to boldly proclaim their faith as a living, freeing path that brings them joy. It's also true that many Christians have done enough damage to make it hard to be "out" about being Christian in many FGC yearly meetings.

I remember a Kimo Press button that was passed out or sold, one, at FGC Summer Gathering in 1990 "More Christ-centered than thee, and more humble too!" Too often the conversation, if we can call it a conversation, regarding Friends' Christian witness has been acrimonious, sanctimonious, contentious and, yes, obnoxious. At the extremes you have two sides knowingly pushing each others' buttons, heels firmly planted in the ground, equally dogmatic in their understanding of Quakerism. Then you have the large middle, of Friends who are Christian but who vary in their understanding of what that means.

I have grown up with Friends for whom Jesus is their Lord and Savior, Friend and Teacher. They have experienced the transforming power that comes from a deep understanding of being faithful and yielding to that holy Spirit, the Light of Christ, which speaks to them directly as well as through the Scriptures. They see no difference between the Jesus of history and the eternal Logos. Some of these Friends are Evangelicals, some Conservatives and others Liberals. These Friends call themselves Christians. I've also met Friends, mostly General Conference Friends, who refuse the label "Christian" but whose relationship to Jesus as the Living One who can speak to their condition is no less real than those who call themselves Christians. For these latter Friends, "Christian" is a loaded term with too much negativity. I understand, though do not agree with their conclusion to drop the name. I also know Friends who call themselves "CHristian" who do not see Jesus and the Christ as synonymous. Nonetheless, Jesus is central to their mythology, and they do know and have experienced the Universal Light that has indeed transformed them. They know and are dependent upon this Christ, believing that this Christ is the Spirit that has spoken to all people at all times, the Universal Logos, which filled Jesus (if he existed, some add) and fills them. Frankly, since 1986 when I first started traveling and worshiping with Friends, I've met Friends who would have fit into almost every Christian movement (and heresy) since the beginning of the faith: Arians, Orthodox, Gnostic, you name it. There is a Quaker Christian (or Christian Quaker) who would have found a home at some point in time in Christian history.

To some this may just spell trouble, and the need to have doctrinal orthodoxy overrides any authenticity of experience. I'll admit, that not all experience is guided by or experienced in the Light of Truth. The Adversary can come as an Angel of Light. How many preachers and teachers have there been who preach prosperity, hate, judgment, wrath, division, schism, racism, violence all in the name of the Prince of Peace? Even good people who have a wonderful relationship with Christ sometimes emphasize "right doctrine" and eschew anything that doesn't sound like orthodox Christianity. Friends United Meeting, Ohio Conservative and Evangelical Friends International have many Friends who are good people, true Christians, but who have little room for anything unorthodox.

I've come to the understanding at this point in my spiritual journey that Quakerism is lost if it claims anything other than Christianity as its corporate faith tradition. Parenthetically, I don't believe that precludes the validity of other paths for Quakers or other people. Zen Buddhism, for example, may open Friends up to unprogrammed worship. Neo-paganism may lead Friends to revere Creation. I'm talking our corporate faith tradition. I'm writing about one Buddhist monk's advice to go deeply in the well of our own culture to get the fullness of that well rather than skimming the surface water off of many wells. My walk with Jesus has not always been among Friends or even Christians. But Jesus was still with me when I took a detour. That being said, cultures and religions operate with common mythologies, and a common language. When we divorce Quakerism and the Spirit/Light/Seed language from it's Christian and Biblical roots, I feel it's disingenuous and unnecessary. When we say "we come from the Christian tradition, but have moved beyond it" we show that we are more influenced by the changing winds around our Society than by the Spirit. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sense I'm at least close to accurate.

I also have seen that in our history, the most schisms have come through efforts at doctrinal orthodoxy. Quakerism at its core has been Christian, with most Friends being admittedly orthodox in their belief, and a larger majority claiming Jesus and the Scriptures as a central part, if not the only focus of their faith. But Christianity has been seen as a Way. This is not to be confused, necessarily, with Quaker process or style of worship (in some circles outward forms that border on idolatry). Quakerism as a Christian movement focuses on Jesus as the Way.

What is this way? I can only offer my understanding: It is a way of transformation, of giving up of ones attachments, addictions, sense of self-importance, ego, etc. The power to do so may come from within, but the source of this power is God. We avoid planning and creating our own path to recovery and self-help, rather relying on the Light to show us the Way forward. We follow the Scriptures which serve as a guide-post, a check on how the Spirit is moving us. We also seek a community of others who are on this same path, so that we may encourage each other in this growth. We recognize each other not merely by all affirming that we are following Jesus' Way, because there are many who claim Jesus but whose lives speak otherwise. We know each other by the fruits that come from the private, personal relationship with the Spirit bring. We come together in community to partake of the great banquet laid before us each of us bringing what fruit God has given, nurturing the Tree of Life together. And what fruits are these? Well, these are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

We are also given gifts of the spirit: wisdom, understanding, right judgment, courage, knowledge, piety (reverence) and fear of the Lord (wonder and awe). Thomas Aquinas corresponded these gifts with virtues: wisdom leads to charity, understanding and knowledge lead to faith, right judgment leads to prudence, courage leads to fortitude, fear (wonder and awe) lead to hope, and reverence leads to justice. I reflect upon these, considering all that I've read and have been taught in First Day School, at Guilford and at Earlham and find that while I'm leery of making these into formulas, there is no Stop in me in understanding them to be True.

This transformation that came over time has been described by Friends as living up to the Light that one has, and more will be given. To whom much is given, much is expected. In a world whose teachings are based in materialism, consumption, hoarding, vengeance, retribution, and instant gratification (and I'm sure more can be added to this list), that is to say, in a world of sin, there is deliverance. There is salvation. There is forgiveness. To those who would condemn people to a life of bondage, saying that we are always going to be depraved, with minds that are grounded in selfish motives, Quakers point to this Salvation that comes from faithfulness and yielding, believing through experience that just as Jesus did, so can we. Just as he was the Son of God, we are among God's many sons and daughters. Just as Jesus was perfect, so can we be perfect in our faithfulness. Whereas now we may be angry victims of some horrible act done to us at some point in our lives, afflicted by addictions and mental illnesses rooted in our woundedness, there is a Physician who can lead us from this state. It doesn't matter whose "fault"it is that we are in the state we are: society's, our parents', a stranger's or our own. A life focused on guilt, victimization, shame or on idols (money, control, power, addiction, even family-- whatever comes first before God), is not a life focused on the Light. Jesus' Way is a Life focused on the Light; of walking, standing and always minding it. This Life is Freedom. This Life is Salvation. This Life is the Kin(g)dom of Heaven for here and now. This Life is available to all who seek it, who turn to the Light which will instruct them and deliver them.

To the Principalities and Powers it says "you say Caesar is the Son of God, we say Jesus is the Son of God." You say "I want it now" we say "wait on the Lord." It turns conventional wisdom on its head. It challenges any so-called "good news" which does not point to transformation that leads to the fruit and virtues of the spirit. And what is particular to Jesus' way is that this is all grounded in Love. God is Spirit. God is Love. Anything that smells, feels, tastes, looks or sounds contrary to that Charitable spirit is an Angel of Darkness cloaked in a false Light. False prophets teach a gospel that comes from conventional wisdom. True prophets will have the fruits and gifts of the spirit.

This is how I understand the powerful message of Jesus' disciples and early followers. This is how I understand Early Friends. They went so far as to deny the Trinity not because they denied "Father, Son and Holy Ghost" as real. It was because they focused on the relationship with God and the New Life that came with following the Way. Religion was not a dead form bound in doctrine and ritual. Just as Jesus did not come to abolish the Torah but to fulfill it, because Laws simply guide but do not transform us, Friends did not deny the Gospel of Christ rather choosing to fulfill what the Church had for centuries had tried (and in their eyes failed) to do: offer salvation and freedom.

I see this way, that is indeed preached in many different Christian denominations, especially the Evangelical and mystical ones, as the Way to which I am called. While theology is interesting and stimulates my mind, I have learned the folly of approaching religion through the mind. It is exactly what Early Friends warned would lead to atheism. Instead True Knowledge comes from starting within. From within I learn the motions of Love in my heart. As I learn to yield to this Love, the source of which is none other than God, I am brought into a fuller understanding of the outward testimonies of God, namely the Scriptures. Doctrines of the church are opened to me in a meaningful way. The Spirit teaches, comforts and heals me and I learn to become reliant on it as my primary authority. Through trial and error, I have learned my need for others on the same path, understanding that alone my perceptions of the Spirit can be fallible. When I am yoked with those who walk the same path, I walk with surer footing. Instead of starting with "accepting Jesus as my Lord and personal savior" and claiming "the Bible or New Testament is my Creed" I am allowing the Spirit to reveal and teach me about Jesus. I see Jesus through Spiritual Eyes, and in Jesus this Unknowable Mystery in which I have a hard time believing is miraculously becoming my Mother/Father.

So, as Old Town approaches Stony Run Friends to take us under our care, I am faced with in which basked I put my eggs. Assuming Way opens for Stony Run to care for us, I will need to decide whether or not to transfer my membership. I am clearer than ever that it is with the Body that seeks to be born of the spirit, the Second Birth, that I am to become a part. When one part of that body is ill, it will be my concern. When I am ill, it will be the body's concern. Membership is not about orthodoxy, it's about community and commitment. But if the body cares not for itself, for its transformation, it's rebirth into grace, then the body cannot care for the members that do.

And so some Friends have warned us at Old Town about joining with a Yearly Meeting that does not acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Savior. This has weighed heavily on my mind for a good while now. Upon reflecting on my understanding of what is Christian, I find no clarity regarding Baltimore Yearly Meeting or Stony Run Friends Meeting. I offer my own understanding here with the hopes that Friends from Baltimore Yearly Meeting will read this, pray on it, meditate on it, and respond. I claim nothing other than my own fallible understanding. I do not say "this is true for everyone." That being said, I know that many CHristians challenged early Friends' Christian faith, and Friends responded defending their Christian faith: sometimes with theological statements such as Fox's Letter to the Governor of Barbados, or Barclay's Apology, and other times by writing of their own experiences relating their stories to that of Scripture and offering personal testimony to their spiritual relationship with Christ rather than pointing to any outward form (Bible, Creed, etc). THe point is, that when it came down to it, early Friends were prophets to the Church, they saw the hypocrisy and dead forms and sought to call the Church back to Christ. They defended themselves as "Christian" even if they did, as they Catholic Church says, "take every Christian heresy to its logical conclusion." We have self-corrected and over-corrected during the past 3 centuries. My hope is that in BYM, we can continue in the vein of experiential Christianity, without apology. Or, are is BYM really post-Christian, feeling we have "above and beyond" a "limiting religion" as has been said to some of us at Old Town?

So I went to low mass

Ok, so my students to read my blogs from time to time. One of my kids told me he read my blog on why I bother with religion. (I call them my kids, because the one child in my life is in Vancouver, WA. I haven't seen him but twice in his life; a regret of mine. So, the only kids I have are my students). I'll just start this little entry by saying that my life seems to be a big mess. Much of it my own doing, but I realize that I haven't the power to fix it.

Suffice it to say among other things, my anxiety levels are at an all time high. THat coupled with a recent diagnosis of severe PTSD, and one can imagine my life. I want it all to stop, to be free of that which binds me. Nothing I have done works, whether positive or negative. And I've done a lot of negative things in my adult life to only make everything worse.

So, I go to support groups to talk about what is going on in my life. I've met a few people who "get it." But everywhere I go, there is the reminder: only God can deliver. Freedom from bondage, from idols, from self comes from being faithful and yielding. My score card is Adversary 100, Kevin 10 in the yielding factor.

I have had, perhaps, the greatest joys at Old Town Fellowship, the meeting I helped to start about 4 years ago. Right now, though, we are struggling. The seasoned CHristian Friends who helped us begin years ago have all but quit coming. Some have moved away, others retired and the rest are just busy Quakers whose lives and callings take them away from home so much that they cannot give extra time to a new meeting. We are left with four struggling souls, none of whom are mature enough in the Life. We need ministers and elders who know Christ and who have experienced baptism and rebirth, who have lived through the arduous process of yielding and being faithful and who have come out transformed.

Unfortunately, those Friends are either not numerous enough in the Baltimore area or do not feel called to tend to us. My call to gospel ministry, which as waxed and waned since I was 16 years old, seems to me to be inconsequential. It's in the recesses of my mind. I remember the feeling of being called fondly, but any more I question the memory as a wish. I know better than to declare a gift being called back by God. And yet it is clear to me that I have the hard road of sanctification, of learning to live the Life, before I can ever, EVER truly entertain the idea of ministry.

And so it is, that I finally made myself walk through the doors of Grace & St Peters Parish just a few blocks from my house. I've been twice before for high mass: once with Russell who as I recall hated it and had horrible allergies. Again with CW who was all but annoyed due to his unfamiliarity with the rituals. I had hoped to be among a few worshipers today. Alas, as I walked through the heavy doors into the 19th century church, filled with tiles, wood, stained glass and statues all imported from England, I was greeted by the priest who seemed to be somewhat surprised that anyone was present. I told him I was visiting. He said that we'd be in the chapel. "Over there?" I pointed to my left, guessing. "Yes, in the chapel." Ohhhhkay..... so I meandered over and realized that I would be the only one present for mass. I felt the need to warn him: I'm a Quaker. I'm here on a leading. He smiled and said "Ah, thee has the Inner Light." "Of Christ," I added. I feel the need to do so, so as not to confuse people with some vague individual sense of my own light as opposed to anyone else's personal light. "From the 16th chapter of John, I think it is" he said. "John 15:15" I corrected. "You would know better than me," he smiled.

If there's one thing I can say with my experience of Anglican priests, it's that they can be uber formal one minute, almost as cold as a Quaker, and then as relaxed as pie on things like a Bible verse. I find it refreshing in a way. I'm familiar with the stodgy British-ness of Quakerism, so going to an Anglican church is just a fancied up Quaker church. ha ha ha. Oh, I know, there are different congregations in both traditions, some warmer than others, but culturally... we seem to be quite similar.

Anywho, he was polite and helpful and guided me through the mass. Thankfully we skipped the Nicene Creed. But the prayers for repentance, for forgiveness, for remission of sins struck home hard. I needed Christ's forgiveness, and I needed someone to pray over, for and with me for that forgiveness. There is such a power in that action. We commonly confess that we have sinned, and we ask for Divine mercy for each other and ourselves. It is a sharing of love and a prayer for more love. It's humbling. It's missing in many Quaker meetings.

Then came communion. Part of me hoped he'd let me take it, but I wasn't Baptized. HE asked me if I wanted it; but I told him I'm not baptized, and he didn't press the issue. I realize some Episcopal priests don't care. BUt I don't want to offend, and frankly, while I know it's mass and for these Christians it's central to why they come, for me it wasn't. I knew Christ was with the priest and me. Christ was softening my heart. Christ was alive in that mass.

We prayed the Lord's Prayer, something I pray from time to time with other groups I'm a part of. Within 30 minutes, mass was over. The priest said "This concludes mass." and walked out of the chapel like he was late for a date. That was the last I saw of him. A BIG X on pastoral care, I might add. But maybe that's their way.

I'll be going back though. IF for any other reason than it helps me keep my mind on Christ. It felt good and I feel good. Temptation is lessened when we gather together as Christians and invoke the Holy Spirit to heal, forgive, instruct and renew us. The power is raised up in us.

In any event, I need the Christian community in a deep way, and right now I have to step out of Quakerism to get what I need. I'll keep going to Old Town. I love that little group. I hope that more people start coming and feel the friendship that is there. I hope even more that those who God has already called to ministry (through preaching, music, pastoral care, etc) will find themselves being led to tend to this fragile flock in downtown Baltimore. Who cares if they are Quakers? As long as they are truly called to us, then we are blessed to have them.

My views on Old Town and faith.

I wrot emost of this in response to someone who hit me up on Facebook, curious about Friends. I think in writing to him, I was blogging. So, to preserve anonymity, I'll just reveal that he would be agnostic.

Thanks for the bday wishes! I am indeed a Friend. We are a Christ-centered/Christian meeting, and very small (anywhere from 4 to 8 people on a given Sunday). www.oldtownfriends.org However, theologically, we are all over the map. The common goal is to remain in the Christian tradition, wrestling with the Scriptures and letting the Spirit speak to us. Not all accept or easily claim the label as Christian for themselves, but we come with open and tender hearts.

So, those seeking Orthodoxy won't be happy. Christianity for us means many things, and for most of us, it's not an easy fit. My partner is culturally Christian but finds power in the mythology. We have another attendee who deeply values the Christian tradition as understood by Friends and sees herself squarely in it, but I couldn't even tell you her theology. We have another guy who works for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, but is probably the quietest person I know and the only "theological" thing he has ever said was at a dinner at my house. He struggles with communities that don't love and don't seek to understand how radically inclusive and loving Jesus' message was. We have a woman who was raised Jewish, who's been a Friend for a VERY long time, but probably knows more about church history than most Christians do. She's doesn't use the term "CHristian" for herself, but finds God to be the center of her faith and engages the Scriptures and other books as well. We have a heterosexual couple who come irregularly, and they're mainly new agers, but they enjoy our community. They are willing to engage the scriptures with us, and worship with us, and aren't closed-minded to what is going on at Old Town. We have many visitors who are just Seekers.

Our world view is pretty universalist though. We just find that as Marcus Borg and Thich Nhat Hahn both have said, in so many words, that it's one thing to sip from the waters of many wells, but then you only get what's at the top. One should therefore find a well in which they can go deeply, and get the fullness of what's in the well. So, we corporately go deeply into the well that is the Christian well in the manner of Friends. At least I think it was they who said something like that. ha ha ha.

Personally, I've had charismatic experiences that I can't ignore. While I don't agree with much of what's in the Bible, I don't have to. The Bible isn't the Word of God to me. Nevertheless, it's only been recently that as I read a chapter from the Bible, and then sit in silence and let the words speak to me, imagining myself in the story, reading the footnotes to understand the historical context in which the book was written, I find myself identifying with the characters in the scriptures. I no longer rail against that misunderstood "angry, jealous" God of the Hebrew scriptures (he was also "loving and forgiving" in the same tradition.) To be honest, the Hebrew understanding of God has long been closer to mine: a G-D we can't name, lest we assume we can fathom what/who G-D is! God just IS. To be. I am. And yet, when I engage Jesus and the other characters of the Gospel, I find from that deep, inner place the Light revealing more to me about myself. At a recent gathering where we read the 11th chapter of John, I identified with Martha: I recognize [the character of] Jesus as the "Christ." I see in Jesus, as portrayed in the [probably inaccurate] gospels, God Revealed. I haven't quite learned how to put it into words, and I'm realizing how much I've written already! oops. Anyway, at this point in my life, I don't see god as a being. I see God as just being. The way I know God is through going deeply into the silence and finding God experimentally, and within. I find God in the miracles of community and relationship with others. I find God in service to others. By definition (I did time.. I mean spent time in seminary) I could be classified as a non-theist Christian, similar to the Bishop Shelby Spong. I dunno. It's all head stuff when it comes to that. What I can testify to experientially is that there is a force, that exists within and beyond us all, that can show us our deepest flaws and errors and then provide us with enough love and power to overcome and transform, to be renewed, to be, yes, born again. I'm at the beginning phase of this process. I'm glad to have found a community of really cool people who aren't afraid to mix science and faith, who find that they are complimentary, and who are willing to engage the [Christian] tradition that is a huge part of Western Civilization. And they're really cool people. Really. Cool.

Whether parts of the Bible are true, as in historically accurate, or even existed, doesn't matter. As the Sufis and Marcus Borg explain, there is power in metaphor and multiple interpretations. Even if JEsus never existed, it wouldn't change things for me. My life is informed and transformed when I engage the Scriptures and I come together in community with a diverse community who is willing to wrestle with the same questions I am.

Perhaps the greatest place to start one's seeking is at a place of agnosticism. I find it refreshingly honest when people say that they are agnostic. My dad was agnostic and my mom atheist. My dad, after reading some Quaker literature, finds himself to be a "friend of Friends" if you will. My mom is now "spiritually aware" (i.e. mom knows there's something beyond the veil, but really doesn't have room for religion). My dad's return to faith came from a powerful experience he had while driving in the mountains of TN. My mom after my late partner passed away. Mom appreciates Quaker worship b/c no one says anything half the time, and when they do it's benign. ha ha ha Anyway, when Christians or other religionists proclaim God, they profess to know this God through theological statements, memorized prayers, or slogan-esque "Lord and Savior" insurance policy that guaranteed them salvation into heaven; nevermind they never had one spiritual experience that they could identify. You may know them. They tend to be legalistic, judgmental and/or blindly hypocritical. Unfortunately, many of these people are among those who give religion a bad name. Perhaps we all do when we say something and don't live it. I might be judging myself here. ha.

There are two other larger, established meetings in the city. One is in Homewood at 3107 N. Charles Street. My late partner and I were married there. They meet Sunday a.m. @ 10:30 I believe. Further north on the Friends School campus (5000 block of N. Charles) is Stony Run. Old Town is exploring a formal relationship with them. Great people. 11am Sundays. At both of those meetings you'll find a different flavor. Old Town Friends worships at 6pm (5pm classes) on Sundays. You'd be welcome at any of our meetings. Quakers don't try to convert people, we let the Divine in them do the work. We just provide the community and the accountability to each other to do the inner work and to be faithful to the Voice that we hear as individuals and as a community.

For my tempted and addicted friends . . . .

This epistle from George Fox has helped me to grow, slowly, out of the mire and muck that has been a huge part of my life:

X. (10) To Friends, to stand still in trouble, and see the strength of the Lord


Friends,Whatever ye are addicted to, the tempter will come in that thing; and when he can trouble you, then he gets advantage over you, and then ye are gone. Stand still in that which is pure, after ye see yourselves; and then mercy comes in. After thou seest thy thoughts, and the temptations, do not think, but submit; and then power comes. Stand still in that which shows and discovers; and there doth strength immediately come. And stand still in the light, and submit to it, and the other will be hushed and gone; and then content comes. And when temptations and troubles appear, sink down in that which is pure, and all will be hushed, and fly away. Your strength is to stand still, after ye see yourselves; whatsoever ye see yourselves addicted to, temptations, corruption, uncleanness, etc., then ye think ye shall never overcome. And earthly reason will tell you, what ye shall lose; hearken not to that, but stand still in the light that shows them to you, and then strength comes from the Lord, and help contrary to your expectation. Then ye grow up in peace, and no trouble shall move you. David fretted himself, when he looked out; but when he was still, no trouble could move him. When your thoughts are out, abroad, then troubles move you. But come to stay your minds upon that spirit which was before the letter; here ye learn to read the scriptures aright. If ye do any thing in your own wills, then ye tempt God; but stand still in that power which brings peace.

Is Old Town Friends Christian?

I've had several people ask me if we are Christian. Most of them aren't Christians themselves, but those who want nothing to do with a Christian body (many of them Quakers). This is NOT an official statement, but my understanding of who we are at my small Quaker meeting.

Our young meeting, while consisting of Friends who are mostly affiliated with largely liberal yearly meetings (Baltimore and Northern), as well as those who are new to Quakers, is a welcoming meeting. We welcome GLBT persons, whites, blacks, native Americans, educated and not, moneyed and not, Evangelicals, Conservatives, agnostics, Buddhists, etc. We do not exclude. That being said, we are a Christian body. CHrist is our Center. Just as we wouldn't define and manage each other's personal relationships, nor do we force theology down each other's throats. Some of us do see Jesus as the Word of God, Savior and even allow him enough authority to truly call him "Lord." Others see him as a great Rabbi who may or may not have something directly to do with the Holy Spirit or Light. Perhaps others see him as just a man, and that the Light was part of him and is part of us. He is still the unifying factor. We come together in his name, trying to follow his Way. We search the scriptures together. We confess our sins to one another. We seek to be transformed by the Power. We pray with and for one another. We share our faith with those who are tender and want to hear it. We hope our faith produces works. No creed. Just a commitment to God, and through Jesus as we know him. We find wisdom in the Gospel Order as understood by Friends, and in following this Order, we find that we are Friends of one another, and in Christ.

Am I really a Cracker Faggot?

Pat's comment makes me think about the value of living in Baltimore. Here, where I'm a minority in my sexual orientation, race and class, I am forced to learn more about the dominant culture here. I am faced every day with poverty (I live 3 blocks from a massive public housing project), and in my neighborhood there are a number of section 8 apartment complexes or buildings. We are frankly an island of gentrification, even though Seton Hill is the oldest "integrated" neighborhood in Baltimore (always has been since the Haitian refugees came here during the French Revolution and joined the European French already living here). When Baltimore burned around us during the race riots, Seton Hill was spared, deliberately. I love my neighborhood.

I come from a family that 2 generations ago lived in stark poverty in Appalachia (Gevedons and Combs) and on the other side were barely working-class near the TN/AL border (Olives). However, my grandparents all worked hard to leave that behind and join the middle class. Grand Dad Olive made a career in the Air Force and was a retired officer when he died. Our country helped bring him into a comfortable life, but he paid for it dearly. PaPa Gevedon worked full time in a unionized factory and part time at a gas station, never taking public assistance. Ever. Both grandmothers stayed at home and raised the kids working their butts off to make their homes, safe, clean, secure and loving. Papa was known in the factory for his advocacy for black workers, and often found himself opposing overt racism when the union would offer blacks the same benefits as whites. That's not to say he wasn't racially prejudiced, but he challenged institutional racism head on. My father would sue private and governmental entities alike over racial and gender discrimination. He chose an honorable path in law in East Tennessee; hardly a lucrative endeavor. Still, though aware of this past, I was raised with all that I needed, in a mostly-white town, a mostly white neighborhood, and in the best schools in East Tennessee. Most of my friends were middle class if not rich. I went to Guilford College and again was surrounded by mostly white people who were mostly affluent. The blacks who I knew growing up were all as wealthy or more so than my family, and at Guilford this wasn't different. I carried stereotypes of blacks, mostly taught to me by good ol' television and the racism and racial prejudice that permeated the culture in which I lived.

So here I come to Baltimore. My first year here I'm confronted with all things "ghetto," (yes I know that's a loaded word, and I use it the way it's used where I live). I am denied a transfer from Baltimore's then worst high school to one of its best because I'm "white and male and there are black women who have tried for two decades to get into that school," (to be fair, my principal would have let me transfer, but in my naivete I told colleagues I was going to be allowed to transfer after one year there when the policy is transfers are allowed after two years in one school; I should have kept quiet). I have been called a faggot more times than I can count and only by black people. I've been called a cracker and whitey as well. None of these people knew me. Usually all I was doing is walking by, not saying a word or talking on my cell. None of that includes the overtly racially prejudiced and homophobic commentary by the black people on the buses (I don't own a car by choice). They would talk about faggots ("faggy" they usually say), dykes and whites as if I wasn't even there.

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for black male youth in Baltimore to sometimes intimidate people on the street. There is this sense that they can scare white people, and this assumed fear is used to bully. How do I know? It's usually overt with anti-white language. My own students, most of whom are black, will talk openly about this sort of thing with me. And honestly sometimes it's not the intention at all, it's just that middle class sensibilities are unnerved when a group of kids of any race are screaming profanities, talking openly of "fucking people up," or beating each other up and laughing about it. That behavior is anti-social and anyone would be scared!

I know this behavior by these boys drives other black people crazy because the very thing that I understand many black people want is for white people to stop fearing black men and being racist in general. Well, let me tell you, it's hard to stop fearing any group when they use your fears against you. Used to be, black girls were excluded from this. Now? It's black youth in groups in general that intimidate people, including me, though, again, it's mostly because the behavior is anti-social and not directed at any one in particular. For no less than asking people to pick up their trash instead of dropping it on the sidewalk, I've had girls who live in the section 8 housing 2 blocks over vandalize my house for weeks on end (I just cleaned it up, and eventually it quit). Let me add as well that i still am getting over fearing straight guys (well, jocks) in general after all the bullying I experienced growing up. If I hold my partner's hand I risk being jumped by a gang of people at worst (girls and boys) and at the very least will be verbally assaulted. A man was shot point blank in the chest and called a faggot when walking with his partner. The assailant? Black. Didn't like faggots. This happened two blocks away.

Now, perhaps my friendly reader is about to burst with anger or frustration due to all of the racially charged and prejudiced stuff above. Friend, I realize what I'm saying. Remember, I grew up in Whitey Land, and the people who made my life a living hell because I was gay were not black. No, they were middle class if not rich white so-called Christians. Back in the 80s it was still ok among the white privileged people to be overtly homophobic and bully others. Teachers wouldn't do a thing. That same school now has out gay kids (though no safe school laws in Tennessee). Teachers there are more apt to stand up against bullying. It's not seemly to be openly anti-gay. Now they are learning how to love the sinner and hate the sin. *puke* In Middle School gays wore an earring, straight boys didn't. Then gays wore it on the right, straight on the left. Then gays wore one on each ear, straights only one, regardless of the ear. Then gays had multiple ear piercings, straight guys could have one or two, but only one on each year, max. Gays would start all sorts of trends and then they would be come accepted. This was among white people, I have no clue what was going then among black youth. Gay and straight kids at Farragut are more likely to be friends, and more straight people are standing up for their gay friends as opposed to just sympathizing with them in private. But again, this is in a school where parents have money and education is part of the culture. It's paramount. After all, these kids will almost all go to college, and many to the best colleges in the country.

I find frankly, that the behavior of the kids in this city towards me as a gay man are based on cultural assumptions of what is masculine and what makes a man. And if you listen to rap and hip hop, many women do nothing to challenge misogynist and homophobic patriarchal bull crap that permeates black pop culture. Oh wait, I forgot, it is reinforced by the predominantly Baptist, Holiness or Evangelical black churches too. Doesn't sound too different from white people in the same denominations though, does it? Doesn't sound too different from rural white or white Blue Collar America, does it?

I wasn't kept from a job transfer by poor black people either. The principal who made the decision ran for mayor here and went to an Ivy League school. Not all anti-white commentary has been made by working class blacks (some of them were employees at Social Security). How often do middle class and wealthy whites discriminate without ever being overtly racist in their speech?

Wait, ok. Here it is: all of this anti-white or anti-black behavior has little to do with race. It's deeper than that. It has to do with education and economic oppression. It has to do with the trying to find identity and a sense of power (unfortunately power OVER someone else). It has to do with education and experience. It has to do with not coming from a place of love for self and others. It has nothing to do, really, no, not REALLY, with being black. Poor white people sometimes need someone to be under them, and it can't be rich white people who are their targets. And in countries where differences aren't white and black, the same problems occur.

So, I could sit back and and continue to write stuff like this and let it fester. I could get to the point where I just sell my house and move to a liberal enclave somewhere that isn't near poor people. I could leave Baltimore and go back to Tennessee. ha. yeah right, like THAT place is really all that different? Has anyone been following the governor's race there? I really don't know of many affordable liberal enclaves.

Truth of it is, that as with most things, I have to go to God with all of this. When the girls were vandalizing my house, I was trying to figure out how to catch them and get them in trouble. I wanted to get back at them. I knew this wasn't going to get anywhere, so I went to God. From meditation and prayer, I was given the strength to clean up the messes that were made and pray for them. I shared the situation with my neighbors, so that I wasn't alone in this. God showed me how I could have handled the situation more lovingly, and where I outran my guide and didn't address them in a way that he would have had me do (when I caught them littering). The day came, when I heard them walking by my house talking loudly about me as they walked by (again in homophobic terms). I came outside to see them a block away, but looking back. I just stared at them. I went back inside and stewed. Then I thought, those people are going to come back (large group of young women and teen girls) on their way home. So, I went outside with my two little dogs and sat on the porch. Sure enough, they passed by, but avoiding looking at me. I greeted them and the last person to walk by was wearing a fierce dress. I commented on it. Her eyes lit up. She thanked me and i said "sure, have a good nite, be careful you all." All but the girl who instigated the whole thing of revenge on me said thank you. So far, no vandalism.

I have always greeted passers by, most of them who live in the projects. I don't just greet them, but I talk to them about whatever they bring up. We laugh, share looks of understanding, and I answer their questions. I make sure I'm respectful, especially to those who are older than me, but also to the kids. I make eye contact. People often ask me if I'm outside where my dogs are, or if I only have one, where the other is. I don't always recognize them, but they remember me. Perhaps if I had approached the group of girls differently, grounded in God and with a bit less of a lecturing, teacher tone and had not reacted negatively to the one girl's horrible behavior and response, I would never have been targeted. Then again, I would not have learned this lesson.

Even though I have been a victim of a gang of kids mugging me in this city in the next neighborhood over, in spite of the anti-gay and anti-white stuff that I've experienced and heard, I know that I come from a place of privilege as a white guy. Even if I was poor and white and not in Baltimore City, I might be preferred to a poor black guy when applying for the same job. My race, though not necessarily in this city, gives me an advantage. No one looks at me twice when I'm wandering through a store just browsing, but they do look at my black friends, and I've watched them follow my students around on field trips. I don't have to say anything to these clerks, though I have. Usually it's along the lines of "you don't have to worry about these kids, they're really good kids." It does the trick without making accusations.

I refuse to become one of those zealot white people who run around pointing out the sins of all white people and calling them to repentance. Perhaps some of those people are called to be prophets, but many are just people who are like me when I found Quakerism; nothing short of zealots with good intentions and had a lot more listening to do before they started carrying the message forth. I'm not going to join committees and go to conferences on ending racism. I'm not called to it. However, I am open about my fears, justified or not. I'm willing to state my assumptions and prejudices. I'm increasingly able to hear where my beliefs, however based on experience or reliable literature, can be incorrect or partially accurate and hurtful if not harmful. I know that God wants me to be honest, confess my sins to my neighbor, and try to make up for it however possible. He wants me to be in community. And when I see it, or become aware of it, to do my part to challenge networkS of institutional structures, policies, practices and behaviors, which intentionally or unintentionally create advantages and benefits for any one race; and discrimination, exclusion, oppression, and disadvantages for people from targeted racial groups.

So, there you go, y'all. I have a lot of growth to do. So respond away. Correct me. Just be gentle. =)

Pax,

KD

Posted on Quaker Quaker: Buddhist Quakers

An acquaintance of mine posted something about Buddhism and it got me thinking of Quakers who practice Buddhism. So, to Google I went! I, of course, found comments on QuakerQuaker.org. One Friend posted about how he realized as a Christian how out of place he was in a liberal Quaker meeting, and so he, from how I read his post, quit going to his meeting and practiced Christianity alone.

I hope that he isn't doing it alone still. We are supposed to "go into our closets and pray" (Matthew 6:1-34), but most of the New Testament is how to build the Church and live in community. So, here's my posting:

"Funny" you should post this response. I certainly can't judge how you felt when you wrote this, but if it's anything like I have felt, it is nothing short of frustrated, if not somewhat disappointed. There was a time when I would have posted the same response. Much of that was because I had no clue what Buddhism was. There was a notion I had one time when pondering the question of Buddhist Quakers that it was entirely possible as there are different philosophies within Christianity already. Why not Buddhist Christians since there are so many other kinds already? The idea wouldn't leave me, but I never put much effort into investigating that leading.

Other Friends have already explained Thich Naht Hahn's teachings on Buddhism. He writes in answer to the question on whether one should leave Christianity if they are attracted to Buddhist teachings "Christians who know how to generate mindfulness, concentration and insight are already Buddhist, whether they have formally taken the Five Precepts and the Three Refuges or not. They are truly Buddhist, even if they don’t call themselves Buddhist, because the essence of Buddhism is mindfulness, concentration and insight. There are Christians who are capable of being mindful, concentrated and insightful, and they are already Buddhists; they don’t need to wear the label “Buddhist.” When they express the desire to take the Three Refuges and the Five Wonderful Precepts (Mindfulness Trainings), they know that this practice also strengthens their faith in Christianity. They know they do not lose their roots and they do not betray their tradition, based on the insight that, in their tradition, mindfulness, concentration and insight are also very important. Coming to a Buddhist practice center, they learn methods of practice that can help them generate mindfulness, concentration and insight. They know that in their tradition, these energies are also very crucial. They want to make use of their insight, their experience, in order to renew their tradition so that many young people will know more concrete ways to generate these energies. Practicing Buddhist meditation in that way not only helps them to be a better Christian, but also helps them to renew Christianity in such a way that the young generation of Christians will feel more comfortable. Every tradition should renew itself in the light of the new developments in the world; Buddhism also should renew itself."

At Old Town Friends, our little small Christ-centered meeting in Baltimore, we have no creed; and so, while we tend to use the North Carolina YM Conservative Book of Discipline which is clearly a Christian document, Friends at our meeting have different experiences of Christ, of religion, of Quakerism. Some are new, some were born into the Society. Some have had direct experiences of Jesus, some only know of him. Together, we study the Discipline, the Bible and Quaker teachings. Independently, we draw from all sorts of sources, encouraging each other to be mindful of going where the Holy Spirit leads, reinforcing the knowledge that through the Word, the Light we baptized, born again, and we are delivered from sin and we grow into perfection.

So perhaps one Friend's experience of God is the same as Jesus' experience: Father God. A personal God that is Love. Perhaps others really have experienced God as a distant being who judges, punishes and rewards. Indeed others experience God through God's creation and see God as the Mother who gives birth to all living things, who embraces us and feeds us. And then there's the Friend whose practice of Buddhism helps him center in worship, to go deeply within to find the Light there, that Love which Fox encouraged us to mind, and through that mindfulness they new insights into Truth are revealed and the Power is opened up for them to walk cheerfully over the earth ministering to everyone through example.

I think the danger comes when I don't understand what I'm talking about. I hate to admit this can happen more often than not. I'm working on it. Not all Quakers are the same, as we know. Conservatives and Evangelicals have their differences, even if they are Christians. This is why it's so hard for is to say "Quakers are .... or Quakers believe ...." The same is true for Buddhists.

Do I think this means that a person can "be anything and still be Quaker?" No. Of course not. I'm addressing the possibility of Buddhism. One need not worship the Buddha to practice Buddhist mindfulness. Indeed, many Buddhists don't worship him, and I'm not convinced that was his intention when he was alive (and some say the same of Jesus).

I share a concern, however, with Geoffrey in this: in many liberal Friends meetings, there is little mention of Jesus and people tend to talk of their individual practices during worship which are not Quaker nor Christian. They do not do what Thich Nhat Hahn said, which is basically to use Buddhism as a tool to go more deeply into their own tradition. They do not educate themselves on Quaker foundations, they do not seek Christ or even try to wrestle with the traditional Quaker teachings of Jesus, the Bible. Conversation about faith becomes difficult because we do not speak the same language, we do not wrestle with the same tradition. It's not impossible, just difficult. And frankly, I can't tell you how many times I've heard Friends from liberal and Evangelical Quakerism say something to the effect of "really? I had no idea Quakers had such an understanding of God/Jesus/Bible/Christianity/Religion" when sharing my understanding of Conservative and earlier forms of Quakerism. At least the Evangelicals center on Jesus and wrestle with his teachings and how to be disciples.

Anyway I digress as usual. Point is, for me anyway, do we mind the Light and live up to what is given? Do we come to know Jesus experientially? Are our hearts and minds being transformed so that our lives speak? Does our faith produce good works? Are we sharing our faith or hiding it? As Quakers are we disciplined? Do we seek God in private moments and deliberately engage the Scriptures and other writings in order to learn and grow? Do we make our involvement in our Quaker meetings a priority, as a central part of our lives, believing that not only is our physical being the temple of Christ, but also the gathered assembly, the church is the body of Christ; when we are absent from it, part of the body is missing.

Finally, an anecdote: When I came to Quakers as a kid, I was more influenced by the Baptist faith and the culture around me. I had read Fox's Journal and being a somewhat ornery child I identified with his confrontational, oppositional (and perhaps self-righteous) zeal. You can imagine being a teen how that mix went over in a liberal Quaker meeting. Oh the confrontations, the wounds (they weren't alway nice, either) ..... Yet after a few years of worshiping there, I never once changed what I believed God to lead me to do or say. I probably out ran my Guide way too often, and spoke in worship more than I should have (but without elders, how is one to learn to grow in ministry?). I know now that I had not been grounded in Love and didn't always speak from it (and boy the difference in reactions from others to Christian ministry when I learned to do this). Still, my meeting threw me a huge going away party when I left for Guilford. Some time later, a Friend who considered herself a Universalist Friend sent me an letter thanking me for being faithful to Christ; he had finally reached her somehow and it had been from whatever it is I had done. She reminded me never to stop being faithful to him.

So, for years later, I would find myself at Evangelical and Liberal meetings (mostly liberal). I'd be The Gay that some Evangelicals had to hold their nose and learn to love, and the Christian that Liberals would have to do the same. I stayed at Homewood from 2002-2010 and it was HARD. But, I learned a lot there. God led me there, and God did not release me until late 2009. It was while there that I learned how to speak from a place of Love, to be humble (FLGBTQC Friends also played a large role in this).

I am very grateful that God gave me a leading to start a new group, and that while we struggle to meet our rental obligations, and we are a meeting of mostly young grad students and professionals who are paying back loans and are broke, we seem to be making it. We don't have support from local Friends, though we've reached out. It's frustrating. We are learning what it means to live in community, to encourage one another to grow in Christ, to share each other's burdens, to not isolate ourselves, and to confess and forgive. I love my new meeting, and don't miss the difficulties of being a Christian in a liberal meeting. I'm also aware that this may be a temporary thing, and one day God may lead me back to another meeting; and we've already experienced difficulties in ours so it's not all pie!

So, I hope that Friends will gain something from my experience. Be faithful friends and seek that Love. Otherwise, not matter how true our words and insights may be, they will be nothing but a distraction, a noise and perhaps even keep people from finding the Truth. That would be a great sin.

I no longer label myself. My experiences have changed, and I think labels have their uses, but also their dangers. I am a Quaker. I lean Conservative, have Evangelical stripes, and a universalist world view. I've been all over the map, and have worshiped with all sorts of Christians, Jews, Quakers, and even pagans. I got so distracted by trying to "find myself" that it became a problem. What a joy to finally just release it and pay attention to what Friends have been teaching all along: GO WITHIN YOUNG MAN! BE MINDFUL! PRAY! How Buddhist! (I don't practice Buddhism at all). How Quaker!